TEST DRIVE MEME!

[faderifting]

TEST DRIVE: ORLAIS EDITION

I. EVERYBEAR I GO

Believe it or not, there are bears in Orlais, too. Stuffed ones posed in noble salons casting intimidating shadows as lords tell unlikely stories about how they bravely stared the great beast in the eye before they slayed it with a single shot. One comtesse keeps bears as pets in large pens on her estate, much to the distress of her nearest neighbors. But most common are the dancing bear acts found on street corners here and there. Perhaps there is some sort of special bear communication network that has passed on a message, because it seems like the presence of the Inquisition has inspired these bears to finally make a break for it out of servitude, and that is how you find yourself being chased by a bear in a belled hat down a narrow cobbled alley lined with street vendors.

II. OUI OUI MON AMI

The Inquisition's efforts are currently focused on Orlais, where a civil war is raging and intelligence indicates Corypheus seeks to eliminate Empress Celene, while the oppressed elven population's discontent threatens to bubble over into a second rebellion. The Inquisition's activities here are mostly political and designed to gather influence and information: endeavoring to make a good impression at the ball of an influential comtesse with ties to the Council of Heralds, or assisting with the reconstruction of the alienage district destroyed by fire. There are rowdy soldiers in taverns to eavesdrop on, and restless crowds listening to streetcorner speakers preach Celene's virtues, or Gaspard's, or lament the end of the world.

But honestly, who cares about any of that? Halamshiral also offers great high-end shopping. Priorities. Gowns, tunics, fur-trimmed cloaks, sleeves slashed and puffed with layers of bright-colored satin. Tall boots with gold spurs to clink as you walk. Veils, lace-trimmed smallclothes, perfumes, necklaces worth your weight in gold. If you have the coin, the shopkeeps have time for you. The slightest whiff of poverty will leave them cold toward you. They might even pretend not to see you, but hey: they work on commission.

Even among decadence and finery, there are signs of unrest. In an out-of-the-way village square, little Orlesian children gather to throw thick gold coins in a gilt fountain, with whispered wishes and giggles. All at once, a thief pushes his way into their circle, breaking the idyllic scene. He leaps into the fountain and grabs a handful of coin. Thin, dirty, ragged, hollow-eyed and, under the hood of his cloak, elven, he scans the now-screaming children -- and then takes off running.

“Stop him!” howls one precious Orlesian cherub, her rosy cheeks streaked with tears. “That dirty knife-ear took my money!”

Kids are just the cutest.

III. SKYHOLD

Skyhold is where people who don't like fun accents and life being a constant masquerade hang around repairing walls, filling out paperwork, and, on rare occasions, engaging in elaborate, color-coded team snowball fights.

That last occasion? Totally over. Now the Inquisition will see you work, work, work, work, work. Working to save Thedas is not all fun and games, and there are plenty of things to keep you busy in Skyhold. See that roof over there? It has a hole in it. Climb up, someone suggests, and fix it. See that hole over there, in the wall? Some drunk from the tavern fell through it yesterday, and it needs repairs. See that floor over there? It’s dirty. And here’s a mop.

If these tasks seem too menial and demeaning, perhaps you’d like to head up to the library and reshelve some books. Perhaps you’d like to meet a special friend there? The stacks are warm and cozy, and at least a little out of the way. Secret spaces are at a premium. But be careful: you aren’t the only one in Skyhold, no matter how many people shipped out to Orlais.

If warm ovens are more your style than warm books, try the kitchens. They could always use a helping hand - especially because one of the baby griffons has made its way down there. A sharp-beaked competition for your plans to pilfer snacks, but you’ll prevail, right? The griffon loves chicken, and the taste of your blood. Get her outside before she gets too comfortable.

Or just feed the dogs, you dirty Fereldan.

IV. WILDCARD

Thedas is a big place. Do something else in it. Maybe in the Hinterlands.

Comments

Kif Kroker | Futurama | Native AU city elf

[eternalsquire]

I. Unbearably Orlesian

"Back. Back, you!" Some people would accompany this with a charge. Kif? Currently he's dodging the bear by darting around a massive stack of luggage. How he even got it here is one question, but the larger one is how long he can keep two steps ahead of the bear, and if anyone will help him.


III. Skyhold, Some Days Later

He's here at last. The elf sags now that he's got all of the luggage in the courtyard, mop-head of hair a mess, twigs in his leggings, claw marks on some of the suitcases. The trip hasn't been easy, but he's here. ...Unfortunately, he's not sure where he goes from here.

"Excuse me? Hello? I'm looking for a Zapp Brannigan? Chevalier? He was supposed to be headed this way?" Maybe he should stop asking people and listen for the sound of women shouting and slapping.

[fledglingenchanter]

In all the time she had spent in Orlais, seeing someone dancing around luggage with a bear chasing after them had to be about the second or third weirdest thing to date. Not that she was particularly counting-- at least not at that moment. The elf looked like he needed help and she was not inclined to let a bear make chow out of someone.

Thankfully she had enough foresight to bring her staff, thanks to the anonymity and immunity the mask of the Inquisition provided. Twirling the staff in hand, she brought the butt of it down hard, sending a barrage of icy missiles launching from it. Helpfully, they arced around the luggage and avoided the elf to hit the bear on its big shaggy head,

[eternalsquire]

Ice darts through the air and Kif slips as he (needlessly) tries to dodge them because it doesn't even come close for once. He plows into the luggage... but the bear is struck and it whirls around to face its attacker.

"Oh, thank the Maker," Kif says, grabbing for a pack and scrambling to pull it open to retrieve a sword now that he's got breathing room. "I don't even know where it came from, it was just suddenly there and attacking, and it's ruined one suitcase already."

You're now his hero, mystery mage. Don't mind how he looks a little scared of the sword he's handling as he edges toward the bear that's stunned and trying to climb luggage.

[fledglingenchanter]

Step one was complete. Except, Sadira didn't have a step two or three. Working off pure instinct, she channeled her magic and threw down an area of effect barrier, concentrating on herself and the unknown elf as she did so. Instantly the sensation of an invisible magical shield sprang up around them both, offering a small buffer of protection from the bear's teeth and claws.

More energy pulsed around her staff, filling the near air around her with frigid cold as she began to attack it with more ice spells. None were quite as flashy as the barrage from a few seconds ago.

"This... is... Orlais..." She grunted out between controlled breaths. That really should explain everything. She actually is surprised the bear isn't wearing a mask.

[eternalsquire]

He's been told that when you're fighting, you ask what your Chevalier would do and follow suit. Unfortunately, his Chevalier is Zapp Brannigan, and Zapp would tell the mage she's sexy before running. This isn't really an option, as much as Kif likes his own skin, so he thrusts forward with the blade, stabbing the bear and making it turn on him. Of course it turns on him. Maybe if he pokes it enough it will go somewhere else? It's worth a shot, and he's stabbing more as it swings... and strikes the barrier.

Generally, Kif doesn't have much of an opinion on mages. Right now, though, he's decided he likes this one.

"Do you think if we try to feed him one of the velvet outfits he'll choke to death?" There's already one dangling out of the pack, available for all sorts of attempts.

[fledglingenchanter]

Now that the Bear's attention wasn't focused on her, she had a chance to work on another spell, one that took a little bit of time to mentally construct since she didn't want to hurt the elf or anyone else nearby. Though her staff continued to gleam with an aura of frost all along the wooden shaft, lightning began to arc over it as well.

"Couldn't hurt... but why risk... it..." she grated out speaking in flexing her hands and wiggling her fingers as she wove her magic into a static cage that snapped around the bear, and sadly a bit of the luggage. The bear was immediately made immobile as tendrils of lightning snapped and zapped every time it tried to move against the cage's magical bars. The luggage was naturally scorched and electrocuted.

"That won't hold it for long!"

III

[inuko]

"A what now?" Shino scratched the back of his head, coming to a stop to stare at the elf hauling in luggage. "Was someone expecting you?" He glanced down at the baggage again, then all the twigs. "... How long have you been trekking through the wilderness?"

As if Skyhold were, you know, anywhere near civilization.

[eternalsquire]

The slight hope that was barely present in his eyes fades and his shoulders slump as he exhales slowly.

"Chevalier Zapp Brannigan? He was supposed to be coming here." Maybe he'd been eaten by a bear. Kif can't decide if that's better or worse than finding Zapp here. "He had me bring his belongings, because he wasn't going to bring them himself. He made up some new law about how he isn't supposed to carry them because it's un-chevalier like..." There's another sigh as he looks at the luggage. Now what? If he doesn't hear anything, why would he move it again?

"You haven't heard of him?"

[inuko]

"Nope." Shino seems perfectly puzzled as to why he would have. "There's a bunch of guys standing around looking self important in armour up over that way, if you want to see if he's there. Or... you could ask where you could put all that."

He nodded his head at the luggage Kif kept sighing over. "The scouts might know something even if he hasn't shown up yet. You could ask." Scout Harding if she was in, or tiptoe on over to the intense woman known as Leliana. Or the Nightingale. Or, well, that intense woman. Like Cassandra, only a different brand of intense.

... There were quite a few intense women here. Intense men, too.

[eternalsquire]

"Self-important people in armor might mean that the luggage isn't gone through while I try to find scouts to talk with," Kif muses outloud.

"They're human, I take it? Is there any chance they're Orlesian?" The odds seem halfway in his favor - Orlesian - and halfway not - Fereldan.

[inuko]

Shino has to think for a moment. Then another moment. By the third moment, he admits to himself he has no idea. "What are the Orlesians like again?"

III

[marilaine]

Marilaine scoffed, turning around with her hands on her hips and a frown set upon her face when she realized it was another Orlesian elf speaking to her. If he had been a noble, he might have gotten a rather nasty retort. Instead, she just scowled at him for a moment longer.

"Is he a guest or has he come to join the Inquisition." And of course in the unspoken language of those who grew up taught to serve others: How big of an ass is he?

[eternalsquire]

"He's come to give everyone in the Inquisition headaches." He'd apologize, but a) it's not his fault, and b) this means that maybe for once it won't be him having all of the headaches.

"And get slapped by all of its women. You'd know him if you'd been harassed by him." If only this Brannigan-free time could be enjoyed, but no, he needs to find Zapp before he does something entirely stupid. Again.

[marilaine]

To her credit, she doesn't sigh (much). "I doubt he is much interested in me." She muttered thankfully. Being a rabbit had it's perks, even if Marilaine would be caught dead before she called herself that or allowed anyone else to do the same.

"If he is important enough, he might be in the keep. Otherwise, there are barracks or the camps below. I suggest to Lady Montilyet to see if he has announced himself yet."

She glanced down to the luggage thoughtfully, "And you might as well put that all out of the way somewhere until you know where he is for sure." Carrying it around everywhere is how you got a bad back.

[eternalsquire]

"Probably not," he echoes. "He doesn't think highly of elves. When he thinks of them at all."

And isn't shoving them out of the way or insulting them or treating them like they're invisible. Zapp isn't the best person to work for... but there is some protection to it.

"Do you know where 'out of the way' is? I'm afraid I've never been here before." He could at least stash some of it here. Zapp meant to join the Inquisition, which means everything has to end up here anyway.

[marilaine]

Marilaine snorted. That was the answer she was expecting, and her face showed it in the frank look she gave him. Then shaking her head slightly she sighed. Part of her felt sorry for this poor elf. Another part of her was glad to have severed ties with that sort of life. Not that her life had been much easier before Skyhold.

"Not everyone will be happy at my suggestion, but there are at least two places in the gardens where the luggage can be stored." It also meant Marilaine could keep an eye on it while she worked.

III

[kallian_endris]

Oh no, the poor fellow.

"Sorry, I haven't seen anyone by that name. But... do you need some help? Are you all right?" Kallian asks kindly.

[eternalsquire]

She looks very kind indeed, and it's been a while since anyone's offered to help him. She can't be Orlesian.

"I could use some help finding him, before he gets into trouble. It's going to happen." Having a break from Zapp is a good thing, except the longer it takes him to find the Chevalier, the worse the mess he'll have to dig the man out of is. "I wouldn't mind putting some luggage away somewhere, though, before something happens to it."

[kallian_endris]

"Can you describe him? Maybe someone else has seen him," she suggests.

She picks up one of the pieces of luggage.
"Here. Let me help you. Do you know where you're staying yet?"

[eternalsquire]

"Big, fat, stupid, loud, and insulting to everyone around him." Kif isn't Zapp's biggest fan. It would be impossible; Zapp is Zapp's biggest fan. "Tell me you don't have many of those types around here."

He grabs one of the heavier pieces of luggage before shaking his head. "And I'd have to find him to know, but he probably doesn't even know. Is there a closet I can shove this in before he finds it and complains?"

III

[princeofconquerors]

"Zapp? That's a funny name." The answer came from a redhead who happened to be sitting on the luggage now. Like the elf just put it all here for him to use as a chair. Wasn't that nice of him? Alexander seemed to think so as he smiled at him, swinging his legs a bit.

"What's he look like?"

He probably hadn't seen him because he'd been busy listening to stories in the tavern but maybe he could have seen this Zapp person!

[eternalsquire]

Zapp would tell Kif to chase the kid off. That's why Kif is almost tempted to let him stay there... but the child isn't Orlesian and he's probably some refugee, really.

"Get down from there! That's not a seat. You're probably filthy, and I'll have to clean the luggage." More. Oh, he's tired.

[princeofconquerors]

He blinked then laughed. And didn't actually get off the luggage like he'd been asked to. "I'm not dirty! See? The fur on my cloak is bright white!"

He lifted it up to show him then he leaned forward to put his elbows on his knees just so he could prop his chin up. "What's the point in cleaning luggage though? It's just going to get dirty every time you travel! It's like it's made to get dirty just so your things don't!"

[eternalsquire]

Human children. Kif didn't dislike them, he didn't have a problem with humans in general, but they acted like they owned everything in a way an elf child never dared. It was frustrating sometimes.

"The point in cleaning luggage is so that you don't have dirty things in your residence, whatever residence Zapp's found in this place. Everything gets dirty when you travel, but then you clean it." And then, dryly, "I clean it." Zapp, do his own cleaning? Maker forbid. He'd mix up the velvets and the silks and ruin everything, all of it.

[thezapper]

"Kif! There you are!" Zap exclaims to the courtyard at large as he sashays his way down the stairs. As he approaches poor, scuffed up, bedraggled Kif, the disparity in their mode of dress becomes increasingly obvious. Zap has all the look of a man who has been put up in a diplomatic suite--he's clean, well dressed in his velvet doublet, and his gold mask gleams in the sunshine. Kif...gleams less. It's probably the twigs.

"Took you long enough, man--I was beginning to wonder if you'd turned coward and fled!" Zap is still speaking at a volume far too great for this to be a private conversation, even as he arrives at Kif's side and claps him on the shoulder. His laugh is inoffensive and loud.

"You've missed all the fun! Well, not all the fun, I suppose; there's still that whole...Corf-its-thing you know--say...you look like hell, Kif. Worse than usual...even for you."

Zap's momentum slows and his eyes narrow as he looks Kif over. A frown of brief, sincere concetration crosses his face before it pulls up in a pitying but almost put-upon sneer. He gestures with one gloved hand to...all of Kif.

"Good god, man, pick the leaves out of your hair. Have some dignity, you're Orlesian."