allthisshitisweird | TEST DRIVE MEME!

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TEST DRIVE MEME!

Surprise, Beartch

Bet You Thought Etc.

Maybe the Inquisition sent you, maybe you came seeking the Inquisition. Maybe you fell out of a rift into this world last week and are still just trying to find your feet. However it happened, early fall finds you in the Hinterlands. Tucked between Ferelden's massive Lake Calenhad and the icy Frostback Mountains, the Hinterlands are a hilly region covered in patchy forests and small farms trying to eke out a living between the boulders. Though somewhat remote, the area is rich with game and minerals and home to Redcliffe, a bustling town on a busy trade route.

The Inquisition has set up several camps and sent personnel to try to restore order to the region, unwilling to let it slip into chaos. There's a lot to be done, some of it straightforward killing bad things, some of it weird and nebulous morale-building.

I. DRAGONS

There is a dragon in the Hinterlands. Everyone knows this. It's difficult not to notice when a dragon flies overhead with a mouth full of screaming sheep (alas, the poor dead sheep) or scorches your fishing boat and makes you swim for it (alas, the poor soaked fishermen). But she's only rarely sighted, and her lair is as of yet unknown, if "yet" is defined as "the moment before this exact moment, right now." Because you've found her. She is, at this very moment, screeching so loud it rattles the cliff sides that are trapping you in her territory and raining fire down over the only clear path of escape. She and her two dozen children don't care if you only wanted some elfroot and spindleweed. They also don't care if you have a sword. You look way more delicious and less woolly than a sheep.

II. CROSSROADS

In the year since the Inquisition's formation, the Crossroads have changed. Most of the refugees from the Mage/Templar War have moved on--if not back home, to new places--and there's been some progress rebuilding the homes and fortresses ruined by the war. Very few people are still living in caves. But rather than quieting down, the Crossroads have begun to bustle. Between the Inquisition's locally stationed forces and the increasing number of travelers and merchants now that the roads are safer, there's enough business to support a tavern with a few rooms for rent, and the Crossroads are becoming a trading post in their own right rather than a dot of houses on the path to Redcliffe--a great place to stop for a drink, to buy basic weaponry, or to unload all of the bear skins you've collected.

III. BEARS

You have turned the wrong corner, forded the wrong stream, crested the wrong hill, entered the wrong cave. Maybe you are far from camp. Maybe you are in camp. Whatever has happened, wherever you are: you are being chased by bears. Did you provoke the bears? Are they huge? Babies? Fade-touched? Mage-controlled? What are they chasing you away from? What are they chasing you into? What do you plan to make out of their hide if you kill them? What do you think they'll craft out of your hide if they kill you?

IV. CRYSTALS

Members and trusted agents of the Inquisition are given access to one of the Inquisition's stores of ancient, mysterious sending crystals, allowing them to communicate instantaneously by voice. It's magic. And a magical excuse to ask everyone what their favorite constellation is in the middle of the night.

Or to call for help because you've been treed by bears.

Either way.

V. MISCELLANEOUS

Choose your own adventure! Hunt game, kill demons, gather herbs, track bandits, haggle over the price of armor, fall off a deceptively tall rock, get lost circling the same hill ten times trying to find a way up to the weird glowing skull on a stick you can see is up there, climb trees or abandoned towers, rummage around in empty homes, run from a dragon, cry over how cute that fennec fox you just shot was, set up camp and chat around the fire, knock yourself out (figuratively, or even literally if that's more your speed)-- the Hinterlands are your Frostback Mountain oyster.

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"Then we ride back!" Turning his horse back towards where they'd come from, he wondered where Waver could have hid his things. A barrel perhaps? He supposed he would find out soon enough, something he was looking forward to. It was always good to see how much a person had grown especially if it had been awhile since they'd last interacted.

In this case it was only on one end but the details were minor in Iskandar's mind.

"Hmmm. I would not say it is more comfortable really. Perhaps if I had a futon like they provided it would be!"

"Why haven't you just gone for a bed?"

There's was underlying mutter of like a normal person that isn't quite said, but it remains there. Waver sighed, shaking his head. He knew better than to question these things, yet he insisted. Still.

"Jeez, all of this just to turn around," he added, shaking his head. "I should've just grabbed my bag before we left."

"Well I thought others might enjoy having them and I am quite big."

Seriously. This was what happened when he didn't have people around to logic these things out for him. He was very far from stupid, probably one of the furthest from it. Still, there were moments when things like this took place.

Oops?

"There is nothing wrong with turning around sometimes. Besides, it was nice to have this ride."

"I have a feeling it wouldn't be that much of an accommodation," Waver said, trying not to sound annoyed about the whole thing. He was though, for no reason other than it made Rider look foolish.

Waver gave up. There were more important things to fuss about.

"There'll be between here and Skyhold, no?"

"Perhaps we could find something for the two of us! We may have to share a bed but that won't be any trouble." Of course Iskandar had just decided this for them but that wasn't a big deal right? Right? This was what happened when a man who was used to having his way in everything just plowed through life.

"It shouldn't take long to get to Skyhold. If anything happens when can find a village or camp for the night. But Bucephalus is strong and get us places swiftly."

"You know most people ask before making a decision like that."

His tone was flat, but Waver was thinking of at least five follow up comments. He went with his favorite. "Then again, they probably don't have central heating, and I'd rather rely on you than a fireplace."

Which meant the matter was settled, unless Rider's snoring became a problem. He still remembered seeing the glorious display of the King of Conquerors sprawled on the floor, snoring, and what a noise that was.

"Better than the last time we camped, that's certain."

"Well I'm certainly more appealing. Particularly when I am naked with someone."

Because why wouldn't he throw that out there? This was a man who was born without shame. Of course he would immediately think to toss that out there like candy to children.

"The last time? Ah, I'm not sure if we can call that camping. You were like a tiny pouting caterpillar while I could not yet use my physical form." At least he was pretty sure that was what they were talking about.

Waver spluttered at that. It'd be a lie to say he hadn't considered it in the past, after he had sat and worked through a number of parts about the Grail War n his mind, but it was a complicated thing for him, never mind not one he expected to be brought up so casually.

"W-well I'm sure, but!"

There was no buts, only praying that the whole thing might die away quickly.

"And I was not a caterpillar, I was just cold!"

"But what? Would you not wish for me to bed you? You are an attractive man so I have certainly considered it since I saw you today." Even before he realized that this was the boy that he'd known all those years ago for Waver. Then again, Iskandar would have bedded him then as well. He'd been old enough so it wasn't like it would have bothered him at all.

"You looked very much like a caterpillar hoping to become a butterfly, boy." He laughed softly after that. Of course he was going to tease him. The image had been ridiculous.

"Who sleeps in a bag like that?"

"Can we not talk about that right now?" Waver managed, bright red and contemplating his own desire to slip off of Bucephaleus and into a giant crack in the ground to swallow him whole. He hated relying on a cliche, but it was a true one. "S'complicated for me."

Thankfully, Rider came with his own distractions. Mostly in the form of pointless arguments that felt comfortable and familiar. An old armchair with one's form molded into it.

"And look, that sleeping bag was designed for outdoors! Didn't your army get cold at night when you were dragging their asses around!? Deserts are awful at night!"

While he did still want to talk about the sex thing, he had become distracted temporarily by this other topic. The sex thing was likely to resurface another day. Possibly in the form of him just strolling in on Waver in the nude.

Anyway...

"We had tents and bed rolls. None of this caterpillar bag business. When we weren't traveling we even had cities."

Waver marked it down as something to try and talk about later. At the very least, he could try and find a way to articulate it, because he wasn't sure how the kind of loyalty Alexander wanted would nest snugly with the complications that came with sex and any emotions attached to it.

"Yeah, that's what I'm saying," Waver said, trying to illustrate his point. "That stuff is insulated, meaning it retains heat. Moreover there's less space for the heat to escape, because of the zipper. So, everyone stays warmer, and that's a good thing."

"I think you miss the point of how you still looked like a caterpillar. A bed roll is more practical and easier to move out of should a need arise rather quickly."

Honestly, who basically tied themselves up to go to sleep? That seemed like the least safe option possible even if it was warm. Iskandar was quite sure that if they'd been attacked things would have gone poorly.

"At least there are no caterpillar bags here."

"No, I'm trying to avoid that point. And okay, fine, I'll give you that bedrolls are easier to get out of in case of emergency," he grumped. One arm folded across the other, and a little hmph accompanied the gesture.

"Wool blankets, I'm guessing?"

Of course they were easier to get out of. He was a military man so he would be aware of what was the easiest to use for attack and retreat as well as relaxation and sudden emergency. Really he'd been quite successful with all of that too if he did say so himself. Which he did. Often. And loudly.

"Thick blankets like that are a necessity of course. Never fear. We will make sure that we are well supplied for whatever we might require!"

"You could've just said yes."

Waver tried not to roll his eyes. It happened anyway, by total accident. The enthusiasm was a comfort though, one of the other things that was a touchstone of Rider's personality and sheer force of existence.

"I suppose I could have! It seemed better to say much more!"

Really one had to wonder if he just liked to hear the sound of his own voice. Honestly it probably wouldn't be that far from the truth all things considered. He did have quite the glorious voice so how could anyone really blame him for that?

Waver rolled his eyes, ready to dismiss it all when the level of nostalgia for exactly this kind of conversation hit him. He hadn't had an argument this pointless in he couldn't remember when. Oh, yes, there were plenty of stupid ones at Clock Tower, but they weren't the same, not really.

A heady sigh escaped him, and he leaned back on Rider just a little bit, quietly admitting, "I missed this."

"What did you miss?" He was quite sure they were having some sort of disagreement. Nothing really that serious though. Honestly it was more like a tiff than anything else. Just the Waver huffing at him while Iskandar laughed like the giant fool that he was.

"You missed scolding me?"

"And arguing about it," he clarified. The whole notion was ridiculous, but then again, the idea of summoning Alexander the Great into a mage battle was a ridiculous proposition to start with.

"It certainly isn't the same with anyone else."

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TEST DRIVE MEME!

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