allthisshitisweird | Darkest Timeline AU Flashback Meme

"Stop that," Cyril says reflexively as he responds to the sight of Taas cutting himself. Carefully, he moves closer and then signs to make sure that Taas sees him. His hands are pale in the darkness and stand out. The movements he makes are fluid and big, he wants to make sure that Taas can track what he's saying.

Stop that, he repeats. I know it itches but you're making yourself bleed.

Taas looks up at the elf with red eyes, reading the signs angrily. "Don't tell me what to do!" He snaps with a growl, but as soon as he says it he seems to realize what he is doing. His face falls slightly and he buries his face in his hands for a moment.

"I... I'm sorry, kadan."

He doesn't want to yell at Cyril. He doesn't want to feel the need to wrap his hands around that pale throat and squeeze, but the urge is still there. Gnawing on his nerves just as much as the song in his head.

He's not safe.

He'll never be safe again.

"Please... stay away."

Cyril doesn't even flinch and he doesn't back away. His jaw tightens but otherwise he doesn't respond to the yell. Over the years most of his emotions have ebbed away from his face and he keeps control now.

Instead of moving, he stands there and waits for Taas to look at him again so that they can talk.

The warrior tries to get himself under control, breathing deeply before he looks up at Cyril again. He's so utterly tired and he looks twenty years older at least, hair having dropped off in the clumped braids and lips peeling back to bare his teeth.

Blood still seeps slightly from where he had been scratching himself, dripping down sallow skin draped tightly over his frame. It was all unnatural muscle now, strange and twisted unlike the normal shape of his body.

Taas gives Cyril a quiet look, but he seems to have calmed down for now.

"How is the imekari?" He asks with a hollow voice.

Cyril feels a dull ache in his chest at hearing Taas ask about Sina. Somehow, the thought that he worries still makes everything feel all too real. "She's safe," he says and he signs the words while speaking too to give Taas every chance to understand him. "Worried, but I think that's because she doesn't understand what's happening."

He pauses for a moment, looking over Taas's form ."Will you take your treatment? I need to talk to you and I want to do it when you have the best chance for a clearer mind." He gestures to the pack he brought with him and sat down to be able to move his hands. He knows it just barely takes the edge off now, but it's better than nothing.

He sighs, looking over at the door for a moment. "I never hurt her," Taas says, both a question and a statement. He had never been the kind of guy to think he'd like kids, but Sina and Lucci... he loves them.

A little innocence in this horror.

Groaning, the warrior shifts his weight a little bit so that Cyril can get closer to him. It's silent acceptance to take his treatment. Taas can't quite help scratching again, however. It's too raw, too aching not to.

If it just took the edge off a bit, it would be a blessing.

Cyril was careful when he came near, not because he was afraid but to comfort Taas. He wore leather gloves when he had to touch Taas and didn't linger near for too long. Every molecule in his body wanted to, wanted to touch and offer some physical connection, but he knew that doing so would just stress Taas out and make him more likely to lose control.

Once they were done he pulled back and removed the gloves to make his hands easier to see. "Better?" he asked, still signing as he spoke.

It used to feel cool, once. Numbing against cracked skin and protruding veins. Now it just barely made a difference, and every touch from Cyril hurt like he was holding fire to his flesh. It would have probably made him snap at the elf again, but close like this he could feel that scent.

Nothing fancy any more. Just Cyril. That was enough.

The qunari remains still as he's treated, and then looks up at his lover from where he sat. Better? he asks, fingers moving so confidently. It hadn't been long ago since he was halting on every letter, but now it flowed.

Taas is proud. Somewhere, deep inside.

"Yes," he lies, and tries to smile. All it does is bare his teeth more, so he gives up.

Cyril looks a little disappointed but it isn't exactly clear if that's because of what he's looking at or if he can tell that Taas is lying. After a moment he steels himself, and takes a breath.

"Taas," he starts, and then stops and rubs at his face, almost like he can stop the pain from showing up on it if he just forces himself through it. His lips are tight and strained, stuck in a grimace.

Finally, he moves to just signing because somehow saying these words make them too real and too painful.

We both know how this is going to end. You're going to either die or lose control. Probably lose control first, become one of those monsters, and then die. There is no saving you. There is no going back. This is it.

Edited 2017-01-30 20:38 (UTC)

Taas watches Cyril in silence, following the movements of his fingers but not quite meeting his eyes. The brief glance had told him everything he needed to know.

Cyril was suffering, and it was his fault. His love was disappointed... maybe because he could not fight this corruption any more.

"There was a dwarf in here. Was that real?" he starts, questioning it to himself. It seems quite out of the left field to mention that when someone is talking about a thing like this, but it was the warrior's way to acknowledge that he was no longer sure what was real or not.

"I've tried, kadan. The song... the whispers won't let me." He doesn't want to mention the fact that he has tried to end it already, but it seemed to be where this conversation was going. "...and I cannot bear to leave you here alone."

Cyril isn't sure if there was a dwarf or not, but he can ask the guards later. Some of them have been helping with the lyruim but the red stuff affects them more than they are willing to admit.

Cyril moves his hands and opens his mouth to respond to tell Taas that, but then the admission that he's hanging on so that Cyril won't be alone makes everything feel far too heavy.

He blinks to stop tears from forming and takes a breath to move around the ache in his chest.

"I won't be. Sina is still here and there are a lot of people who care about both of us." People who would be there to help him. He's speaking and signing again because while the idea that Taas was hanging on for him hurt, it also gave him the strength to say what he had come here to say.

"Let me help you. Let me make sure it's quick, and as painless as possible. Give me the peace of mind that the person who ended your suffering was someone who cared for you."

Edited 2017-02-02 16:03 (UTC)

The dwarf getting patched up outside was proof that Taas had at least a small grip of reality.

Now he finally looks up, red eyes meeting Cyril's. There's pain in them, mixed with sorrow and hints of desperation - yet underneath it all, there's relief. Taas never wanted to put Cyril in this position - ever - but now that it was freely given as an option, he lets out a shaky breath.

"I was never afraid of dying. I thought I'd go down in battle... or maybe after drinking too much. Fuck, maybe getting stabbed in my sleep. I never expected old age for me, but this..." The qunari's voice breaks slightly, and he looks utterly lost for such a large, powerful person.

"Will death stop this? Please, kadan. Don't let me become some kind of undead monster. I'm not a mage, I don't know how this shit works...!" Taas sounds a little desperate at the end. Who knew what came after death? There was no Maker, that was for sure.

"I won't," Cyril says and signs the words. His hand movements are strong, final. "Let me protect you from that."

The word 'protect' makes a weird pain linger in his chest. If Taas hadn't been so set on protecting him, this wouldn't have happened at all.

"I'll make sure you find as peaceful a death as possible."

It feels like he's breaking apart inside and it's more painful than the corruption of the lyrium burning in his veins. Taas isn't sure what it really means until he feels wetness traveling down his cheek.

He had not cried since Zevran disappeared, and this time it was almost as painful. There's no big sobs and no loudness to it, just tears traveling down his face. "...thank you."

He doesn't want to go; he doesn't want Cyril to be alone... or Sina and Lucci. Korrin. However, the promise to end this torture feels like salvation. Mercy.

"Alright."

Cyril had been prepared for Taas to say yes. He knew it was the most logical step to take and that they both needed Taas to have some bit of control of his death, but it still felt like a cold stone dropping in his stomach.

It didn't help that they were talking while Taas was crying. More than anything, Cyril wanted to go to him, to touch him, to offer him some kind of physical comfort but he stayed where he was standing. He nodded once, accepting the agreement.

"Did you want to do it today?" he asked. His voice, hands, and face were steadily controlled. He can't break down in front of Taas. He can't make any of this about him. "I wasn't sure if you'd want to try to hang on a bit longer." Cyril wouldn't judge him if that was the case, people usually wanted to live as long as possible.

He leans his head back against the wall with a tired sigh. "I don't know, kadan. Today I know who you are. Tomorrow I might not, and then you'll risk getting hurt."

Maybe it would be easier for Cyril to take him down while fighting, though maybe it would feel better for them both. Taas knew how dangerous he was, though. He'd rather go peacefully.

"We don't have the luxury to waffle on these things, I suppose. Right now I have enough mind to resist the song, but I'm also a big man. You can't dispose of my body by yourself." Perhaps they should wait until they had more hands for that. At the same time...

"...but I might lose my nerve before then."

Slowly, stiffly and pained the qunari stands up on his feet, grunting at the movement pulls on his crystal-edged wounds.

Cyril nodded again, accepting that. He did move forward this time, though, when Taas started to move. He stopped himself before actually reaching out.

"Let's go somewhere more open then," he said. "Somewhere it wouldn't take a lot of effort to move you to a funeral pyre. I can record any last messages you have too." It was strange how calmly he could talk about this. He could feel a break down coming, but he would hold off until Taas was taken care of.

It was easy to think of this in steps. Step one was to get Taas somewhere that would be comfortable and the easiest for everyone involved. Step two would be to say good bye. That would be difficult but not nearly as much as step three, which would involve arrows and being very careful with his aim.

Taas holds out a hand to stop Cyril from coming any closer, even if the elf didn't. Always so smart, his kadan. Watching his lover with a longing look, Taas can't help but wonder how long it had been since he had felt Cyril's skin against his own.

It felt like a lifetime.

"Perhaps somewhere with a breeze." If it was any other place, any other time, he would have wanted to see the sky. Now that only brought painful memories.

He starts to slowly move towards the door, reaching out to touch the door handle with a slightly shaky hand. Taas wasn't sure if it was from the pain or the knowledge of what they were about to do.

"Do you think I'll see Zevran there?" If he did, they could wait for Cyril together. Hopefully for many, many years - or however the fuck that stuff worked.

Cyril nods and then gathers his things so they can head out of the underground. He had to admit he'd probably feel better doing this outside too. The walk would be a bit longer than he'd like but he could focus on walking and keeping people clear.

The question made him pause a bit. He was never sure how he felt about the idea of after life.

"Maybe," he said after a moment. Thinking of the ten who had disappeared left him feeling a dull ache in his chest. He touched the necklace he wore that had his piece of the dragon tooth and Sam's silver ring. Zevran and Sam had disappeared in that group and Cyril couldn't help but think of the mage. He rarely talked about Sam but the fact that he still wore his rings - one on the necklace, one on his finger - showed he wasn't fully over the loss.

"If he is, that means Sam is there too. Look out for them both?"

He gives a slight smile at that. Taas isn't sure what happened after death, but it was nice to imagine that maybe he'll meet the people they had lost again. Maybe somewhere in the Fade. "I will," he says, and he means it. Protecting people was what he had wanted to do as Taashath, and he'd continue that if he could.

He walks with Cyril until they reach a decent place outside. It was a bit cold, and the change causes the song to warp into a crescendo for a moment. He has to stop and grasp his head, growling low in both pain and anger.

Death would be peace. Ataash varin kata.

"Kadan... I..." Taas takes a deep breath and sighs. "Take this." He pulls on the necklace at his belt, strung there after the crystals started to spread. Taas didn't want the two pieces of the quarter-split dragon tooth to somehow get infected, and the cord easily came off into his hand.

He holds it out to Cyril with a broken smile. "I don't want it to burn."

Cyril felt himself choke with emotion but somehow he was able to come closer and take the necklace. He purposely let his hand touch Taas's fingers too. The crystals hadn't gotten there yet and he desperately wanted to feel Taas at least once more before they did this.

He found himself blinking rather quickly when he pulled away but otherwise he was careful to keep his emotion from his face.

"We can use my sending crystal to record something for Lucci and Sina if you want. Or anyone else?" he suggested. He wasn't sure how much Sina would remember of Taas once she was older and somehow the thought of that made him feel even more depressed than he already felt.

So far he was keeping it together, managing to stand and speak without breaking down because he needed too. He wasn't sure how long that would last but he hoped it would at least wait to break until Taas was already gone.

Cyril's brief touch against his fingers were soothing and painful both at once. He watches the elf draw them back, the dragon's tooth safe and sound in his possession. It wouldn't be lost.

Despite the care his lover took to not show emotion on his face, Taas could almost feel it emanating from Cyril and it makes him want to help. yet this isn't something he can fight any more. Maybe his death would at least give some kind of peace to them both; Cyril wouldn't need to keep strong for him.

"Yeah... I... I would like to say goodbye to the kids... but maybe you can keep it with you until they're older." The kids didn't need to be more confused than they already were, after all. "...maybe something for Korrin, too."

His best friend needed to know.

Reaching up to his arm where the magical ring still rested, he snaps that open as well and eases it off the raw skin. "Take this, too. It's... I don't know what would happen if you put it in fire. Keep it or sell it, kadan."

Cyril once again lets his fingers linger when Taas reaches out. This time a little bit longer. He wishes that they could kiss, or hold one another, but that was far too dangerous. Instead he looks at the magical band in his hands. It had fit around Taas's arm but to Cyril it was huge. After a moment, he reached up and moved it around his neck. It would require some modifications to make it fit correctly but it at least didn't fall or choke him now.

That was probably all the more reason to do this right away. It reminded them both how much more massive Taas was than Cyril. Something that had seemed so exciting and hot before suddenly was very dangerous. If Taas lost control, he could easily snap the elf in half. Part of their relationship had been centered on the fact that Taas never did, that he was gentle when he needed to be and showed that power when it was sensual and exciting. It seemed so unfair to use it against them now.

"I'll keep it," he says after a moment. He's thankful that Taas can't hear his voice crack, though he can probably see the way it shows in his lips. Cyril bows his head to focus on getting the sending crystal out and sets it up to keep a message that can be replayed later. He'll have to be careful with this one from now on, keep it safe so that Taas's voice can be saved forever.

"Here, you can start talking now. I'll make sure the entire message is saved." He knows that Taas doesn't have the ability to play it back and listen to it, so Cyril will make sure the whole thing is taken down.

He can't take his eyes of Cyril or the way the elf was struggling to keep it together. His strong, sweet lover, trying to not break down in front of him. Taas wants to say that it was okay, that he could cry and scream and be angry... but it wouldn't help right now.

It would only make things worse.

Instead they both had to hold on, and the warrior tries to even out the strange echo to his voice as he gets ready to leave his message. He can't really know if it works or not, buy the kids didn't need to hear his corruption.

"Hey, imekari. This is Taas. I want you both to know how much I care about you both. You always make me so proud, and it has been an honor to see you both grow up." He pauses to collect himself, trying to avoid rubbing the back of his neck as he usually did when thoughtful.

"Sina, you are so loved. You have your mother's determination and Cyril's strength, and so many people stand stand here with you. I know you're going to become a great person one day, and I hope you will see a brighter future." Doubtful, but he could wish.

"Lucci, I saw your father in you every day, and it makes me so happy to know how well you've grown in his absence. There will always be people who support you here, and you're already a little kestrel." He glances over at Cyril for a moment.

"...Korrin. Maraas kata. Keep fighting, kadan."

Taas' shoulders slump and he looks so tried all of the sudden, like he had just aged a thousand years inside.

"Put me out of my misery, love."

It's listening to the messages that almost makes Cyril's control of himself and crack. He feels his entire body trying to rebel against the tension that is managing to keep his emotions in place.

He has to turn and look away from Taas and instead consider their snowy surroundings. It's not the green of his beloved woods, but it's still outside. A better place to do this than the underground.

Once Taas is finished he comes closer and takes the sending crystal back to make sure it's saved and tucks it safely in one of his pockets.

"I love you," he manages to say and his voice doesn't crack or bend. It's sturdy, purposeful. He wants those word to be the last thing that Taas knows of him.

He then pulls away to give himself the leverage that he needs, takes an arrow out, aims it. The position is careful and determined. He can't miss. He can't make Taas's death be more painful than it has to be. He manages not to let tears collect in his eyes. He can't afford blurry vision.

He lets go, and watches the arrow fly.

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quietblade - 2017-02-07 16:42 (UTC) - Expand