Test Drive Meme!

[faderifting]

'Tis The Season...

...To Still Be In The Hinterlands

Maybe the Inquisition sent you, maybe you came seeking the Inquisition. Maybe you fell out of a rift into this world last week and are still just trying to find your feet. However it happened, early fall finds you in the Hinterlands. Tucked between Ferelden's massive Lake Calenhad and the icy Frostback Mountains, the Hinterlands are a hilly region covered in patchy forests and small farms trying to eke out a living between the boulders. Though somewhat remote, the area is rich with game and minerals and home to Redcliffe, a bustling town on a busy trade route.

Lately the Hinterlands have also been full of mages and templars and rifts, all threatening to turn once-peaceful countryside into a dangerous warzone. The Inquisition has set up several camps and sent personnel to try to restore order to the region, unwilling to let it slip into chaos. There's a lot to be done, some of it straightforward killing bad things, some of it weird and nebulous morale-building.

NOW WITH ADDED SNOW.

1. I CAN'T BEAR THE COLD

You have turned the wrong corner in the snow, forded the wrong stream in the snow, crested the wrong hill in the snow, entered the wrong cave in the snow. Maybe you are far from camp, in the snow. Maybe you are in camp, which is also snowy. Whatever has happened, wherever you are: you are being chased through the snow by bears. Did you throw a snowball at the bears? Are they huge and snow-dusted? Babies burrowing through the snow drifts and coming for your ankles? Fade-touched in addition to snow-touched? Controlled by cold mages who are hiding in the snow? Popping up out of the snow like a game of whack-a-mole? What are they chasing you away from in all of this snow? What are they chasing you into, other than more snow? What warm things do you plan to make out of their hide if you kill them in the snow? What do you think they'll craft out of your hide if they kill you in the snow? P.S. It's snowy.

2. GIVE ALL THE TOYS TO THE LITTLE RICH BOYS

Winter came. The villagers are freezing. Recruit Whittle totally saw this coming. Now he might have sent you haring (get it) across the countryside in search of supplies that apostates or bandits may have hidden in caves and crannies. He might have handed you some sticks and told you to build a fire. He might have eyed your nice coat with a contemptful gleam that suggested you'd better find some blankets if you didn't want to have your own clothing requisitioned. Nobody's freezing to death on his watch--except maybe you, if you're really bad at finding hidden caches. In the snow.

3. DON'T SHOOT ME SANTA

The sky is beginning to darken and white snow continues to fall, but you and the supply wagon you're protecting should make it to the little Hinterlands village before sunset. The wagon is laden with food, blankets, and other sundry supplies, and so it's important to stay sharp and alert as you make the trecherous journey. And for good reason: an arrow is fired from the tree line and topples an Inquisition soldier from his horse. Beset by bandits, will you manage to fight them back? Or do they overwhelm your troupe and you are forced to flee? Or, perhaps, you could attempt a negotiation, knowing they could be as hungry as the people you protect.

4. DOES THEDAS HAVE FIGGY PUDDING?

It is not only snowing, it's blizzarding, and the tavern in Redcliffe is the closest and warmest place to duck into to wait it out. Unfortunately, half of the Hinterlands had the same idea. The Gull & Lantern is so packed with thawing visitors that it's hard to walk from one side to the other, the owner has given up on telling these Fereldens they can't bring their dogs inside, and that lady in the corner is almost definitely someone you've tried to kill before, or vice versa. But there's a fire going, and the bartender seems to think that giving everyone half-price drinks might prevent a brawl instead of causing one, and there aren't any demons indoors, so it could be a lot worse.

5. WILDCARD

Hunt game in the snow, kill demons in the snow, dig under the snow for herbs, track bandits through the snow, deal with someone charging extortionist coat prices now that it's snowing, fall off a deceptively tall rock into the snow, get lost circling the same hill ten times trying to find a way up to the weird glowing skull on a stick you can see is up there in the snow, climb trees or abandoned towers covered in snow, rummage around in empty homes to get out of the snow, run from a dragon in the snow, cry over how cute that fennec fox you just shot in the snow was, set up camp and chat around the fire because it's snowy and cold, knock yourself out (figuratively, or even literally if that's more your speed)-- the Hinterlands are your Frostback Mountain oyster, topped with snow.

Comments

[mostlyvoid]

[There's the slightest pause as Cecil tries to wrap his head around anyone not liking pie, but not long enough to leave any dead air.]

You should know that pie is the most nutritionally pointed desert available in all of Thedas! [He had no idea if it was true, but now that he said it, he believed it completely.]

My name, however, is Cecil, and I will be bringing you all updates on the Inquisition while you're out in the field. Would you like to give your name and tell your fellow soldiers what you're currently facing in the Hinterlands?

[justdesert]

Hello, Cecil. My name is Kevin, what a delight to meet you! And such a nice name. Cecil.

[He repeats in one more time quietly, the chipperness leaving his voice for this one word as he commits it memory. Cecil.

Then the nearly dripping cheer is back in his voice.]

And such a nice question! You're really too kind. Cecil. I'm so glad you asked. I- and the other members of the Inquisition working away with me, of course- just finished making some new friends.

god stacey ilu so much your kevin is so dead on

[mostlyvoid]

[Well that is definitely not disturbing at all! He grimaces, invisibly, at the sending crystal.]

Making new friends? Have you been questing for new allies in the Hinterlands?

<3

[justdesert]

Questing? Oh, that does sound fun. But, no...

[The 'no' is pronounced with several extra 'o's at the end, drawn out and fading for a moment before his voice comes back at full cheerful force.]

I guess you could say these new friends 'quested' for us! Oh, they were so eager to meet us, Cecil. And find out all about the Inquisition. And our many talented members and services. They brought us arrows and swords and boots and cloaks and blood. Ahhh.

But, like all meetings, it did have to end in a parting. But while I am going to miss our new friends, the supply wagons have simply never been more comfortable, Cecil. They feel so much more like home.

Re: &lt;3

[mostlyvoid]

[There is a long. pause. Kevin's voice is cheerful - peppy, even, one might say. But that little Ahhh. That little mention of blood. He can't quite put his finger on it, but it sends a chill up his spine. In the end, however:]

Well! That sounds - incredibly useful! Arrows and swords and boots and cloaks and -- arrows -- are all things we desperately need here, in the Inquisition! What a kind and gracious gift from your new, and departed, friends. We will be sure to write them a nice thank you note, and send it directly by raven.

[Ahem. Moving on.]

You should know, Kevin, that I just received word regarding our expeditions in the Hinterlands. You will be there for - another week! But then, you're finally all to be recalled home. Isn't that great news?

[justdesert]

So much can be done in a week, Cecil! It's important to work hard, as of course we all know. For the Inquisition. For Thedas. For...all our causes, really. Lots and lots of hard. Work. Bringing these supplies back to all of you there.

And I'm so excited thinking of all the new friends we could find along the way. Or hunt down. If they're shy. Some people just need convincing, Cecil. Just need to be tracked and hunted. Down. So they can reach their full friend making potential!

Don't you like making friends, Cecil? I know I do. I just can't wait to meet you, for example. Face to face.