Test Drive Meme!

[faderifting]

'Tis The Season...

...To Still Be In The Hinterlands

Maybe the Inquisition sent you, maybe you came seeking the Inquisition. Maybe you fell out of a rift into this world last week and are still just trying to find your feet. However it happened, early fall finds you in the Hinterlands. Tucked between Ferelden's massive Lake Calenhad and the icy Frostback Mountains, the Hinterlands are a hilly region covered in patchy forests and small farms trying to eke out a living between the boulders. Though somewhat remote, the area is rich with game and minerals and home to Redcliffe, a bustling town on a busy trade route.

Lately the Hinterlands have also been full of mages and templars and rifts, all threatening to turn once-peaceful countryside into a dangerous warzone. The Inquisition has set up several camps and sent personnel to try to restore order to the region, unwilling to let it slip into chaos. There's a lot to be done, some of it straightforward killing bad things, some of it weird and nebulous morale-building.

NOW WITH ADDED SNOW.

1. I CAN'T BEAR THE COLD

You have turned the wrong corner in the snow, forded the wrong stream in the snow, crested the wrong hill in the snow, entered the wrong cave in the snow. Maybe you are far from camp, in the snow. Maybe you are in camp, which is also snowy. Whatever has happened, wherever you are: you are being chased through the snow by bears. Did you throw a snowball at the bears? Are they huge and snow-dusted? Babies burrowing through the snow drifts and coming for your ankles? Fade-touched in addition to snow-touched? Controlled by cold mages who are hiding in the snow? Popping up out of the snow like a game of whack-a-mole? What are they chasing you away from in all of this snow? What are they chasing you into, other than more snow? What warm things do you plan to make out of their hide if you kill them in the snow? What do you think they'll craft out of your hide if they kill you in the snow? P.S. It's snowy.

2. GIVE ALL THE TOYS TO THE LITTLE RICH BOYS

Winter came. The villagers are freezing. Recruit Whittle totally saw this coming. Now he might have sent you haring (get it) across the countryside in search of supplies that apostates or bandits may have hidden in caves and crannies. He might have handed you some sticks and told you to build a fire. He might have eyed your nice coat with a contemptful gleam that suggested you'd better find some blankets if you didn't want to have your own clothing requisitioned. Nobody's freezing to death on his watch--except maybe you, if you're really bad at finding hidden caches. In the snow.

3. DON'T SHOOT ME SANTA

The sky is beginning to darken and white snow continues to fall, but you and the supply wagon you're protecting should make it to the little Hinterlands village before sunset. The wagon is laden with food, blankets, and other sundry supplies, and so it's important to stay sharp and alert as you make the trecherous journey. And for good reason: an arrow is fired from the tree line and topples an Inquisition soldier from his horse. Beset by bandits, will you manage to fight them back? Or do they overwhelm your troupe and you are forced to flee? Or, perhaps, you could attempt a negotiation, knowing they could be as hungry as the people you protect.

4. DOES THEDAS HAVE FIGGY PUDDING?

It is not only snowing, it's blizzarding, and the tavern in Redcliffe is the closest and warmest place to duck into to wait it out. Unfortunately, half of the Hinterlands had the same idea. The Gull & Lantern is so packed with thawing visitors that it's hard to walk from one side to the other, the owner has given up on telling these Fereldens they can't bring their dogs inside, and that lady in the corner is almost definitely someone you've tried to kill before, or vice versa. But there's a fire going, and the bartender seems to think that giving everyone half-price drinks might prevent a brawl instead of causing one, and there aren't any demons indoors, so it could be a lot worse.

5. WILDCARD

Hunt game in the snow, kill demons in the snow, dig under the snow for herbs, track bandits through the snow, deal with someone charging extortionist coat prices now that it's snowing, fall off a deceptively tall rock into the snow, get lost circling the same hill ten times trying to find a way up to the weird glowing skull on a stick you can see is up there in the snow, climb trees or abandoned towers covered in snow, rummage around in empty homes to get out of the snow, run from a dragon in the snow, cry over how cute that fennec fox you just shot in the snow was, set up camp and chat around the fire because it's snowy and cold, knock yourself out (figuratively, or even literally if that's more your speed)-- the Hinterlands are your Frostback Mountain oyster, topped with snow.

Comments

[hlif]

[Nah, bears have to hide their shame and they just come back hungrier to prove themselves. Why else would the Boneflayers all possess slankets made of the finest bear pelts to be found in Thedas?]

If you heard a story about a man ripping his shirt off and walking out to wrestle a bear? That was me. It was a crazy night. [Crazy nights tend to follow when several various bands of mercenaries all manage to meet in one place in the middle of nowhere with the coin to keep the drink flowing. Asher emerged victorious and plenty of people seem to know him from that alone.

The bear manages to get a good swipe in, claws raking across his armour and ripping some of the mail and he grunts, backing up enough to give him the room to charge again.

And Bronson? Well he's seen this plenty because he barks, wagging his stumpy tail so hard his whole body wiggles, jumping slightly. Yes, his master is a giant idiot with a death wish.]

You fancy joining in, welcome any time, more than enough bear for the two of us!

[resought]

I'm sure it's an inspiration to people everywhere. [Those words might have been a mockery five minutes ago but right now she fully believes it and it sounds closer to her being impressed.] Unfortunately, no. I know if my brother had heard it he would have gone out to try it - thank Andraste that he hasn't.

[Call it Seeker training and then running from one city to another and nobles caring about their petty problems and lives and not the people below them. Sometimes you found one who did, but they were unlikely to share bear stories.]

I'm afraid I'm not a direct combat sort. [Evie shrugs in lament, smiling earnestly. She wouldn't last two minutes against a bear before she'd have to take to a tree. It's actually a little bit of a shame.

She continues scratching Bronson's ears, but pensively. Is she actually considering assaulting a bear because a man invited her to and who knows why he started fighting a bear and she doubts it was entirely in self-defense? Yes, yes she is.] But I think it's right flank has seen better days, if that's something you want to take advantage of?

[hlif]

Your brother sounds like a good man? What's his name? And yours? [Despite most evidence to the contrary, he does have some manners that he remembers usually about fifteen minutes late but better late than never and strangers are more deserving of them than a lot of folk who simply feel entitled to them.]

Really? Fereldan lass [Fereldan sounding, that can mean a lot now since the Blight drove so many of them from their homes, the desperate and needy he met years later in Kirkwall] like you and you don't want to--

[Punch a bear in the face apparently because fuck you bear, he's having a conversation wait your turn he will get back to you eventually.]

Name the nearest tavern and I'll buy you a drink. [Combat rolls with a great-axe never work well - because he tried, it was bad, there was so much screaming and his second punched him harder than a small elf lady should be able to punch someone with as thick a skull as him - but he charges the bear so it'll charge right back, moving just fast enough to circle around. Definitely a bear that's had a rough time of it, maybe hunters, maybe other bears but the leg is weaker and when he swings, the roar isn't just as deep. There's a high whine that makes Bronson howl, perhaps remembering such wounds himself.]

[resought]

Evie Frye, Ser. It is my pleasure. [Genuinely.] And my brother is Jacob. I would not say that to him, though, it would go straight to his head. [Not that Jacob isn't a good man. He is. But he would serve to think before doing every now and then and actually seeing the bigger picture and what lay ahead rather than what was happening right now.]

Redcliffe would do. [She calls down pleasantly.] Seemed rather full the last time I passed. [Which is a sign of good things. Perhaps she can even talk her way into the best seat in the house again, but those are later thoughts; now, she concentrates on the fight and her assessment of the bear's condition which holds true. She actually has her canesword raised now, on the off-chance the bear becomes more aggressive. Just because she can't fight for an extended period of time doesn't mean she can't hit it in the face and give it something to think about should Asher need it.]