allthisshitisweird | Test Drive Meme!

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Test Drive Meme!

You'll Never Leave the Hinterlands Alive*

Welcome to Fade Rift's very first Test Drive Meme! Use one of the prompts below or make up your own, and tag around! Have fun, try out the setting, generate samples for your app, coerce your friends into joining you.

Maybe the Inquisition sent you, maybe you came seeking the Inquisition. Maybe you fell out of a rift into this world last week and are still just trying to find your feet. However it happened, early fall finds you in the Hinterlands. Tucked between Ferelden's massive Lake Calenhad and the icy Frostback Mountains, the Hinterlands are a hilly region covered in patchy forests and small farms trying to eke out a living between the boulders. Though somewhat remote, the area is rich with game and minerals and home to Redcliffe, a bustling town on a busy trade route.

Lately the Hinterlands have also been full of mages and templars and rifts, all threatening to turn once-peaceful countryside into a dangerous warzone. The Inquisition has set up several camps and sent personnel to try to restore order to the region, unwilling to let it slip into chaos. There's a lot to be done, some of it straightforward killing bad things, some of it weird and nebulous morale-building.

1. In the Deep Dark Hills of Western Ferelden

You have turned the wrong corner, forded the wrong stream, crested the wrong hill, entered the wrong cave. Maybe you are far from camp. Maybe you are in camp. Whatever has happened, wherever you are: you are being chased by bears. Did you provoke the bears? Are they huge? Babies? Fade-touched? Mage-controlled? What are they chasing you away from? What are they chasing you into? What do you plan to make out of their hide if you kill them? What do you think they'll craft out of your hide if they kill you?

2. There I Read on a Hillside Gravestone

The rebel mages and renegade templars have ravaged the Hinterlands, skirmishes breaking out all over. It looks like you've just missed one-- great spikes of ice melt slowly in the cool autumn sunlight and patches of grass and trees have been scorched away. Three bodies are scattered about, two templars and one mage judging by their clothing. You could bury them. Or search their pockets. Or track their friends. Or all of the above, if you're feeling industrious.

3. Won't You Walk With Me Out the Mouth of this Holler

Whatever task you were actually sent out here to do, you are going to be late. One-Eyed Jimmy asked so nicely for your help finding his prize ram, Lord Woolsley. It's been in the family for years, so smart for a ram, it's a good luck charm, their business has boomed with it around, and it's lived for so long, he just can't abide thinking of it getting eaten by some mangy apostate. And then he went and offered you money, too. How could you say no? Maybe you're still wandering, asking everyone you pass if they've seen a ram that looks like it's wearing an orangey-red sweater. Maybe you've found it and are chasing it around a lake or trying to lead it back to the village for your reward. Maybe you've gotten fed up and gotten out your sword to bring Jimmy a new sweater instead and discovered that lucky Lord Woolsley is a demon in sheep's clothing. Surprise!

4. Fill Your Cup With Whatever Bitter Brew You're Drinking

Just because the region's had a rough time lately doesn't mean the tavern at Redcliffe is any less crowded than usual. Bella behind the bar dishes out tankards to refugees and soldiers, scared villagers and angry farmers, merchants traveling through from Orzammar and Orlais and families fleeing the rifts in the foothills. It's packed, basically. The Inquisition has only recently extended its influence into the region, and while some have already seen the benefit-- demons killed, fighting broken up-- others are skeptical.

5. Spend Your Life Just Thinkin' of How to Get Away

Choose Your Own Adventure: hunt game, kill demons, gather herbs, track bandits, haggle over the price of armor, fall off a deceptively tall rock, get lost circling the same hill ten times trying to find a way up to the weird glowing skull on a stick you can see is up there, climb trees or abandoned towers, rummage around in empty homes, run from a dragon, cry over how cute that fennec fox you just shot was, set up camp and chat around the fire, knock yourself out (figuratively, or even literally if that's more your speed)-- the Hinterlands are your ~~Frostback Mountain~~ oyster.

*Yeah, I had this stuck in my head. It's a good song!!

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[Bruce blinks, because that's pretty much the only response that's available to him with how the person up in the tree is acting. Why is he acting as such? Bruce certainly would like to know why, if possible.]

What thing? [He asks, obviously, making no connection whatsoever between 'thing' and the ram right beside him.]

That! [ He's pointing at it, even! Pointing down at the ram. ] That isn't a ram! You really, really don't want to stand next to it...

[Another blink, and then Bruce glances towards the ram that's being pointed at.]

I don't know, it looks pretty much like a ram to me. [Sure its coat is a little... unique, but Bruce isn't an animal expert by any means.]

That's only what it wants you to think. Try punching it, you'll get a big surprise. A big, fiery, angry surprise.

[ Though really, don't punch the ram. Caesar would prefer not to face a rage demon all over again. ]

Or you could try leading it away, maybe? Or, at the very least, please go and fetch my sword. It's over by the creek. I, ah... dropped it. While running.

[ Running away, running away. ]

[This time Bruce just... raises an eyebrow because, yeah. A flaming ram?? That's... pretty far fetched, and he's seen some pretty far fetched stuff before, trust him.]

I'm not really a punching ram person. Or punching in general, really. [The words are dry, but Bruce glances around nonetheless to look for the creek that the other is talking about. It's not too far away, but he definitely has to go closer to see where he apparently dropped his sword.

He glances back.] I don't mind picking up your sword, as long as I don't need to actually punch rams of any sort.

Yeah, you do that. Sword picking up, certainly more your speed.

[ Caesar won't disagree. So long as he turns to go fetch it, which brings the ram's attention up from the grass. As Bruce is going to get a weapon for the person Lord Woolsey the Whatever-th has trapped in a tree, well, it turns to follow after him instead. That's right, go follow the other guy...

And don't pay aaaany attention to Caesar, who quietly starts climbing back down once the ram's no longer at the base of the trunk.

Speaking of the sword, it is over there, just across the creek, partially in the water. It never quite managed to clear the sheath before it was lost. ]

[Bruce hardly pays any attention to the fact of the ram following after him. Animals following him isn't exactly an odd thing - in the time when he had been on the run, fleeing from the Templars, animals had followed after him sometimes when he traversed across areas with zero humans. Not knowing the dangers of humans and of him they followed, and sometimes that had become some of his most treasured memories.

He gets to the creek after a while, and its easy enough to spot the sword then. Bruce goes to pick it up, making sure it remains in its sheathe, and simply heads back to where the strange man up in the tree had been, ram continuing to trail behind him.]

[ And once Bruce and the ram round the bend, they'll find Caesar back on the ground. He's brushing himself off, a motion that he freezes in the middle of when he sees they're back. Then he stands up straight and immediately yells: ]

Look out! It's changed!

[ Because Lord Woolsley isn't too glad to see, first, that someone's bringing the sword back and, secondly, that Caesar is out of the tree. Bruce may feel a sudden warmth at his back. Why? Well, that would be because the ram had, in fact, been a rage demon the whole time. ]

[Bruce only has a second to process the words -- once his mind clicks on 'change' the heat behind him is impossible to ignore, and Bruce turns just in time to see the suddenly not-a-ram swing one fiery fist at him.

With no time to dodge, the best Bruce can do it bring up the sword and try to soften the blow as much as possible - the strike hits the sword, but the impact still sends Bruce flying backwards, and he crashes into the ground none too gently. The sword flies out from his hands as well from that attack, landing somewhere closer to Caesar.]

[ Caesar can only spare a second to worry about whether or not Bruce is fine. The moment the sword lands near him, the demon turns and begins heading his way, which prompts him to lunge after the sword. He grabs it up, fumbling to pull it free of the sheath properly this time. While he does manage it, the unfortunate truth here is that, while Caesar has some idea how to wield a blade, he isn't particularly good at it.

He backs up instead, holding the weapon between him and the oncoming demon. ]

...crap. Crap. Uh. Yeah, you! This way! Come on!

[ He can't exactly pull a vanishing act like intended now, so he may as well lead the damn thing away from the poor sap who stumbled into this mess. ]

[It's about half a minute after Bruce crashes into the ground then does he get up. He tries his best to stifle down the groan as he gets up, one hand touching the back of his head. It comes out dry, which is pretty much all that Bruce needs to know.

Certain that he wasn't going to bleed everywhere now, Bruce forces himself back up onto his feet, wincing as his vision tries to readjust himself after that blow. Its easy enough to make out the demon, but the other person--

Bruce, without thinking, starts to stumble after the demon and the person, limping a little due to the aches of his body but managing to walk all the same. There had to be a way to help somehow.]

[ On the bright side, Bruce doesn't have to worry about the demon rounding on him again. It's attention is focused on Caesar and his sword, the immediate threat. The young man in question ducks a swing from it and takes a stab at it in return. A stab that hits! Goes in!

And sticks, despite a few desperate attempts to tug it back out. ]

Er. [ That's all he gets out before being forced to duck again, this time scrambling back and away. New plan, new plan needed. ] Waterfall!

[ Odd thing to blurt out while trying to stay alive. ]

The creek feeds into a waterfall, doesn't it?!

[Bruce is close enough at least to hear the shouting, although he does make sure to keep his distance. Don't want to be in range of the demon, after all.

It takes a few moments for him to process what the other is saying, but once it sinks in Bruce quickly nods before he realizes that its probably hard to see that.]

Yes, it does! [Bruce had seen it when he was making his way here. He gestures in the direction of where it is as well.] Go that way!

[ Then in that direction he'll go! Caesar takes off running, although he does slow to turn and check, every so often, to make sure "Lord Woolsley" is following. Of course it is, it's still irritated at him for the initial smack way back when Caesar though it only a ram. Of course, it's only inevitable that after reaching the creek, he continues on to find the waterfall, at which point he's forced to stop.

Or more like, he hesitates, skidding to a halt on the slippery rocks near the edge. ]

...troublesome. That's farther down than I'd thought.

[The ram sure is following, and Bruce is trailing behind, even though he can't really fight and following is probably the most stupid thing to do. But Bruce can't exactly just stand by and pretend nothing is happening.

Caesar gets to the edge and then stops, which startles Bruce for a bit, especially since the demon is getting closer with every passing second.]

What's wrong?

Possibly a miscalculation on my part, but...

[ There's a demon coming. A towering demon made of fire. Caesar's choices are limited. He turns one last time to check on the rage demon's progress-- ]

Whoa!

[ Only to find it's already right up there in his space. Close enough to take a swing, at least. He ducks that and, if he needed the inspiration to make the leap, there he has it. Demon or a long drop into a lake and he's choosing lake. So! Off he goes! ]

Look out!

[Bruce shouts just as Caesar turns to duck the swing from the rage demon. At least that immediate danger is cleared, but there's still the problem of the demon being around. Bruce starts to wonder if he should use his magic - he'd rather not, but if he could help--

Before he can decide though Caesar went on and decided to jump into the lake. Probably not the best decision by any means, but in this situation...

With Caesar gone the rage demon starts to find a new target, and Bruce only hesitates for a split second before he dashes for the edge as well. He brushes past the demon, a momentary bust of heat at his side that Bruce pays no mind - and then he jumps over the edge as well into the lake.]

[ Thankfully, the water just under the little waterfall is part of lake deep enough to survive such a jump. That's better than being killed by a rage demon, so Caesar will take it as a win. He surfaces a few seconds after going under, sputtering water and gasping for air. He isn't in any dire straight there, knowing just fine how to tread water, but there's always that frantic moment right after doing something that crazy... ]

[Bruce surfaces alongside him about half a minute later, gasping as well. Around him floats up a collection of various herbs and plants that Bruce had been picking, all of them now soaked to the roots. Luckily water never really killed plants.

Turning his gaze to the top of the creek Bruce watches as the rage demon loiters around the edge, trying to relocate its targets. He turns back to Caesar and gestures for him to start moving. They managed to lose it for now, but they had better put more distance from it to be safer.]

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