allthisshitisweird | Test Drive Meme!

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Test Drive Meme!

You'll Never Leave the Hinterlands Alive*

Welcome to Fade Rift's very first Test Drive Meme! Use one of the prompts below or make up your own, and tag around! Have fun, try out the setting, generate samples for your app, coerce your friends into joining you.

Maybe the Inquisition sent you, maybe you came seeking the Inquisition. Maybe you fell out of a rift into this world last week and are still just trying to find your feet. However it happened, early fall finds you in the Hinterlands. Tucked between Ferelden's massive Lake Calenhad and the icy Frostback Mountains, the Hinterlands are a hilly region covered in patchy forests and small farms trying to eke out a living between the boulders. Though somewhat remote, the area is rich with game and minerals and home to Redcliffe, a bustling town on a busy trade route.

Lately the Hinterlands have also been full of mages and templars and rifts, all threatening to turn once-peaceful countryside into a dangerous warzone. The Inquisition has set up several camps and sent personnel to try to restore order to the region, unwilling to let it slip into chaos. There's a lot to be done, some of it straightforward killing bad things, some of it weird and nebulous morale-building.

1. In the Deep Dark Hills of Western Ferelden

You have turned the wrong corner, forded the wrong stream, crested the wrong hill, entered the wrong cave. Maybe you are far from camp. Maybe you are in camp. Whatever has happened, wherever you are: you are being chased by bears. Did you provoke the bears? Are they huge? Babies? Fade-touched? Mage-controlled? What are they chasing you away from? What are they chasing you into? What do you plan to make out of their hide if you kill them? What do you think they'll craft out of your hide if they kill you?

2. There I Read on a Hillside Gravestone

The rebel mages and renegade templars have ravaged the Hinterlands, skirmishes breaking out all over. It looks like you've just missed one-- great spikes of ice melt slowly in the cool autumn sunlight and patches of grass and trees have been scorched away. Three bodies are scattered about, two templars and one mage judging by their clothing. You could bury them. Or search their pockets. Or track their friends. Or all of the above, if you're feeling industrious.

3. Won't You Walk With Me Out the Mouth of this Holler

Whatever task you were actually sent out here to do, you are going to be late. One-Eyed Jimmy asked so nicely for your help finding his prize ram, Lord Woolsley. It's been in the family for years, so smart for a ram, it's a good luck charm, their business has boomed with it around, and it's lived for so long, he just can't abide thinking of it getting eaten by some mangy apostate. And then he went and offered you money, too. How could you say no? Maybe you're still wandering, asking everyone you pass if they've seen a ram that looks like it's wearing an orangey-red sweater. Maybe you've found it and are chasing it around a lake or trying to lead it back to the village for your reward. Maybe you've gotten fed up and gotten out your sword to bring Jimmy a new sweater instead and discovered that lucky Lord Woolsley is a demon in sheep's clothing. Surprise!

4. Fill Your Cup With Whatever Bitter Brew You're Drinking

Just because the region's had a rough time lately doesn't mean the tavern at Redcliffe is any less crowded than usual. Bella behind the bar dishes out tankards to refugees and soldiers, scared villagers and angry farmers, merchants traveling through from Orzammar and Orlais and families fleeing the rifts in the foothills. It's packed, basically. The Inquisition has only recently extended its influence into the region, and while some have already seen the benefit-- demons killed, fighting broken up-- others are skeptical.

5. Spend Your Life Just Thinkin' of How to Get Away

Choose Your Own Adventure: hunt game, kill demons, gather herbs, track bandits, haggle over the price of armor, fall off a deceptively tall rock, get lost circling the same hill ten times trying to find a way up to the weird glowing skull on a stick you can see is up there, climb trees or abandoned towers, rummage around in empty homes, run from a dragon, cry over how cute that fennec fox you just shot was, set up camp and chat around the fire, knock yourself out (figuratively, or even literally if that's more your speed)-- the Hinterlands are your ~~Frostback Mountain~~ oyster.

*Yeah, I had this stuck in my head. It's a good song!!

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[ Well he's certainly being a cynic for someone who isn't Dalish, isn't he now? ]

Yes, all of it! Any of it. Whatever you wish to tell.

[ She makes no secret that despite all the moving, she's been sheltered. She's the third mage in the clan and has never been allowed to stray far past their camp until now. ]

[ Pragmatism often seems like cynicism, but it tends to pay well to be both as an assassin. Which- isn't something he's going to bring up at the moment. ]

On a day such as this I would speak of Antiva City- the glittering jewel of Antiva, and it's port. We trade many goods in my country and all of them flow through Antiva City, out into the rest of Thedas. Our wines and brandies are the finest in all of Thedas- do not let anyone from Orlais tell you differntly. They are lying. Orlesian wine is overpriced, poorly made, and bottled with no thought to the vintage. While every vine deserves it's own bottle there is no point in gilding it or adding a bejeweld cork. It is wine, it is meant to be consumed with a fine meal in the company of a lovely woman or handsome man- not set upon a shelf and forgotten unless one is showing off to company.

[ Here he gives a fluid, eloquent flick of the wrist and fingers to an imaginary shelf, putting on a posh, albeit foppish, Orlesian accent. ] And here we have my collection of fermented grape juice from a vinyard that employs only the most beautiful virgins- what? You wish to drink it? Perish the thought!

[ The act drops. ]

And other such nonsense. Life is meant to be enjoyed and that? That is what it means to be Antivan. To enjoy all of life to the fullest- and to share that enjoyment with those that have yet to be enlightened.

[ Ellana is enthralled. If he wanted a captive audience, he's found it in her. In fact, she's having a hard time splitting her attention between walking and listening, but so far they're on a path and there are no rocks to trip over. ]

It sounds incredible! Though I'm not surprised Orlais is like that. They're the ones who did an Exalted March on my people, and it sounds like they've been wasteful ever since.

[ There's a pause as she considers him. ]

I know little of Antiva, as you can imagine, but did the elves there come from the Dales once too?

Not all of Orlais is terrible- the fashion is fascinating, the balls grand, the gardens verdant, the people quite lovely but dangerous- for all the court and most of the country for want to become a part of the court take part in The Game. Even when they take off their gilded masks they wear another under that, and another still for the sake of learning secrets and using them to bargain for a higher standing. Working there was...complicated, but an interesting change of pace.

[ Sure he'd earned a few scars, been poisoned twice, and nearly fallen off the roof of a tower but he'd killed his mark, made it look like an accident, and returned with a bevy of new hearts, tales, and fine trinkets under his belt. ]

Aahh, the Antivan Dalish. They did, yes, but tend to be a bit more violent to outsiders than your average clan. Considering Antiva was built on the back of merchants, pirates, brigands and assassins? I honestly cannot blame them.

I'm not sure all that would be for me, even if I was a human. Secrets and blackmail aren't really my idea of a good time.

[ Good thing she has no reason to be deep in Orlais, right? ]

Really? I'm sure there are others among the Dalish who would agree that the more violent, the better, but I wouldn't be one of them. It sounds like a hard life, with all those types around.

It is a fine way to be left to their own devices. Only the young and the foolish attempt to meet with them. [ He had been both, bolstered by tales of his mother. A pity he had not spared himself the disappointment. ] Now Antiva is much more honest than Orlais. If someone speaks to you, they mean what they say- usually an alternate intention is simply attempting to get you into bed.

I appreciate honesty, especially when trying to bed me.

[ Don't ask. ]

I doubt my travels now will ever take me towards your country. It is quite a distance away, isn't it?

I shall have to remember that.

[ His grin becomes sly for a moment before he moves along. ]

Far, far to the north, past the Free Marches and Navarra. It is much warmer there this time of year- how I miss the smell of the sea and the sultry warmth of the coast. Here we have...mud. More mud. Rain. Snow. And dogs.

Oh, I like the dogs! They're sweet. I mean, I know about the big war dogs too, but as long as they're not in a war against me, they're quite friendly.

[ She chuckles. ]

But I won't disagree on the mud. I've been wanting to try out a pair of boots, but I'm not sure what my clan mates here will think. They might say I'm going human. Not that liking human culture should be a surprise to them.

[ It's been kept a secret from the clan as a whole, but the ones her age know how curious she is about humans; about anything outside their little world, really. Gavin's travels would bring her human trinkets, and Cyril once gifted her with a silly human romance novel he lifted off a person in the woods while hunting. They know how much she wants to learn. ]

But cold mud on bare feet is awful. The way it smears itself on, soon you're trying not to slide all over the place.

They are quite charming, are they not? Terribly intelligent, incredible in battle, and quite friendly. And the Mabari aren't terribly awful either!

[ It is almost enough to make him miss the Warden's fine battlehound- but Nostalgia is not something he tries to put too much stock in. What is is. What was, was. What will be is yet to be determined so it's best to stack the deck in your own favor. ]

What do Dalish do if the path muddy? Endure? While I understand thoroughly the need to divorce themselves from all things human- you've very good reason and I respect that, making life more difficult for yourselves doesn't seem terribly wise.

That's all we've ever done, it seems. But yes, we deal with it until we can find a stream to wash up in, or it dries enough to flake off.

[ Which is why she needs to get her hands on some boots. Maybe the reward money can go towards a pair? ]

Look, there. [ She points ahead. ] Rams. No sign of our Lord Woolsey, but he might be around here.

Rams do tend to try to find their own company when they wander. This is not the first I've had to fetch- though it is the first that was so brightly colored. And one that is not dragging a bejeweled chariot. [ A beat. ] Orlesians throw the most fascinating parties.

[ Ellana lets out a surprised laugh. ]

Truly? Why would they put jewels on a chariot in the first place?

[ It would just weigh it down, wouldn't it? ]

Maybe over this hill we'll find this elusive ram.

I did not think to ask. They were more put out over the ram going missing than they were the chariot- something about breeds and bloodlines- I stopped listening somewhere in the middle, thoroughly distracted by the lady's plunging neckline. She would- [ He holds his hands in front of his chest, mimicking a large bosom that jiggles as he walks. ] I was enraptured- Surely one wrong move and she would spill out. It must have been an enchanted bodice.

That sounds like it would be... very cold.

[ Ellana frowns. It's obvious that such clothing would garner a lot of attention, and that was probably the point, but she couldn't imagine doing something like that herself. ]

But it was probably her plan to keep you and others enraptured, wasn't it?

It was. It showed. [ He drops his hands to his sides, not making the appropriate gesture to prove that it indeed was chilly and everyone who saw this lady knew it. ] I think she was hoping for more ardent fascination than morbid, to be perfectly honest.

[ Whatever the reason, just discussing the woman has distracted Ellana from the rams and chariots. Even long after the fact, that plunging neckline is a conversation topic. ]

Is that common dress in Orlais? Do the men compete with tight breeches?

That they do. It's quite distracting attempting to get any work done there. Also? Highly uncomfortable. [ Certain things need to breathe, after all.

He pauses mid stride, peering out to the far end of the clearing. ]

How red would you say this ram would be?

[ Her nose wrinkles a little. Can't their clothes be pretty and functional? Orlesians are strange. ]

Oh, the man said orange and red.

[ ~~Oh shit, she's cute.~~

Zevran gestures to the ram in question, just on the other side of the clearing. ]

It appears we have found him.

[ She's the best type of cute: the kind that doesn't realize when she's being cute. ]

Oh, that's him, all right! The man said to just encourage him to come home, so I suppose we nudge him back towards Redcliffe?

[ Maker preserve him from kind, cute women. They always lead him into trouble. ]

Or we could lasso him and lead him back like a proper domesticated animal. If we provide food? He should be pleased to come along.

[ The suggestion is foreign to Ellana, only because this isn't how they treat their halla. Halla are their friends, not their pets or animals forced to work. ]

I don't have a rope, and I wouldn't feel right about it anyway. But I could gather some sweet flowers. Maybe that would entice him.

I do- a ram such as this? Is accustomed to a lead. Perhaps he is still wearing his bridle and that will save us some pain. [ From under his cloak he unspools some thin cord- perfect for rappelling, stringing a trap- or strangling a target.

Or, as it so happens, fashioning a lead for a ram. ]

He seems well enough. The flowers would certainly coax him close enough to urge him home.

As long as he's used to it, and doesn't mind it.

[ It's a concession, since she doesn't know how different from halla a ram might be. ]

I'll pick some while you get around him?

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antivanleather - 2015-10-06 05:02 (UTC) - Expand

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Test Drive Meme!

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omg she's like a dalish ariel i love it.

that is exactly what i call her, so yes!

Look at those shems, aren't they neat

how many wonders can one aravel hold?

I wanna be where the humans are, I wanna see, wanna see them fighting

strolling around in those, what's that word again? oh, boots

Herding your halla you don't get too far, carts are required for trading, racing

what's an andraste and why does she, what's the word? buuuuurn

When's it her turn, wouldn't she need, need to explore the world far from trees

out of the clan, obsessed with man, part of that woooorld

that was magical <3

yes! it was great.

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