Darkest Timeline AU Flashback Meme

[faderifting]

DARKEST TIMELINE AU FLASHBACK MEME
Did you work out something for your character's darkest timeline AU that you love so much it would be an absolute crime not to be able to write it out for real? WHAT LUCK! This meme is here for all your flashback-from-the-future needs. It's also the place to display sad single-character vignettes, letters that were never sent to dead friends, and anything else your dastardly little heart desires. Go forth and suffer.

The contents of this meme do not count for AC. For AC, you must participate in the real logs for the event, which will take place in Cloudreach 9:48, or else continue your normal non-event RP in the present (Guardian 9:43). However, you can count log threads in this meme toward your rewards points for the month.

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[justice_is_blond]

The tune Nate's humming is familiar and Anders doesn't pay attention at first as he laces up his boots, just glancing over with a small smile. It's a few moments later, as he's standing up, that it hits him and he freezes, looking back over at Nate. He doesn't want to ask. He wants to ignore this and pretend everything's fine. For several moments he wonders if he can just ignore it and act like he'd heard nothing, but that's not fair to anyone.

And so, heart falling in his chest, Anders sinks down to sit back on the bed before looking at his hands and speaking quietly. "You're humming."

[pinprick]

Nathaniel doesn't realize it until Anders mentions. That's when the music stops, his breath hitches, and he wonders how long Anders has known. If he only just realized, how much Nathaniel would have preferred him to find out some other way. His eyes close briefly.

"Of course. I'm sorry." A moment of denial while Nathaniel pretends the humming alone was what Anders heard, not the song. But Anders' posture indicates otherwise. Nathaniel hesitates, then wraps his arms around him as tightly as he can.

"It's all right," he whispers. "I'll be fine. And so will you."

[justice_is_blond]

He clings more than he hugs, holding tight to his partner. They'd always had a limited time, they'd known it, but it isn't until now that it sinks in. He's going to lose Nate. He's going to lose Nate soon.

It's not all right, it won't be fine, and Anders chokes back the argument because he doesn't want to fight. "I... How long? Why didn't you, why didn't you say?" His voice breaks on the last word despite how he's fighting to hold himself together. He can't lose Nate.

[pinprick]

"Just a few days." He plants a few kisses on that golden temple. "Just a few days. There's no telling how long we have."

He knows it's easier for him, that he will be the first to go. It's much worse to be the one being left behind.

[justice_is_blond]

There's no telling which means it could be as short as a few days, and Anders can't even keep the promise he'd made to himself so long ago, that if Nate heard his Calling first Anders would go alongside him. They're at war, and so many people hang in the balance.

"I can't do this without you. I can't do any of it without you." The words are selfish but he wouldn't take them back even if he could. "How do I... I can't. I can't."

[pinprick]

Gentle hands cup Anders' face.

"Yes you can," Nathaniel whispers. "You can do anything. You are the man I married. You can do whatever you set your mind to. And I'm going nowhere, for a while. I can bear the song for a time yet. I won't leave you."

[justice_is_blond]

Anders looks up, feeling the weakest he's felt in so long. Being with Nate had given him so much strength and confidence, because Nate had so much faith in him.

"You..." Words fail him, and he buries his face against Nate's neck. "Tell me? When it's building to too much. Some warning, or something, or anything." No warning would be enough. Only a cure would, and now it's too late. He should have worked harder on a cure before, should have done a thousand things earlier, but since he can't undo that, at least he can make this time count.

"Stay here today? Stay with me for the day? Please?"

[pinprick]

For a moment, Nathaniel is torn between love and duty. People need him at the perimeter--or else, they do not. Optimistically, they can manage one day without him. Especially when he is distracted as he is. No, this is a choice of the heart, a choice of what he will regret the least if he were to die tomorrow.

He leans in and presses his lips to Anders'. "All right. All right, I will stay today."

[justice_is_blond]

There are potions to make and messages to send, but he needs this day as well. Just the one, he reminds himself, it wouldn't be right to ask for more, but this one he can treasure. Anders kisses back slowly, taking his time. This is what they have.

He reaches down to unlace his boots before kicking them off, returning his arms to being around Nate right away.

"I still remember the day you dropped me, you know. The most handsome man in Amaranthine, deliberately choosing not to have me in his arms. You'd standards, then."

[pinprick]

"I'd no senses." A half-chuckle, half-cough, a scoff of disgust at himself. How much earlier he could have started this happiness, and how much longer he could have been with Anders. "You were the most handsome man in Amaranthine. I'd just sworn off love thinking it was all like my parents'."

[justice_is_blond]

He presses his face to the side of Nate's neck, inhaling and getting comfortable. Or as comfortable as he could get with this looming over them.

"You've always had so much sense. But feelings and baggage, they're real and they weigh people down." He should know. He's spent so much time being tied to the past and blaming others for what happened then that he's missed out on some of what life could have offered. "You're the practical one, between us. The, the anchor."

His voice breaks and he swallows, trying to keep from getting too worked up. "Let's, I don't, I want to talk about the happy things. We've had them. And I need them, right now."

[pinprick]

Nathaniel breathes, and breathes, and at last finds his center. Happy things. Drowns out the song in his head.

"The day you married me. Remember Kaisa's speech?"

[justice_is_blond]

"I do." She'd talked about how they deserved happiness and how she hoped every day was more happy. They've had happiness, more than Anders ever expected to have. He just selfishly wishes they had more.

"Something about you deserving me." A part of him wants to joke about her being wrong, say that Nate deserves better, but he's not sure he can convey that it's meant to be a joke right now. "It was probably the most sappy she's ever been. I almost drowned in the sugariness of it, and I'm a fan of sap, my handsome, brave, strong, sexy Barchen." A beat. "It was... nice. Really nice. All of it was. I got to marry you, and it was celebrated by our friends. I've seen so many impossibilities, but that was the best of them."