allthisshitisweird | TEST DRIVE MEME!

I ROLL TO SEDUCE THE BEAR

Tucked between the massive Lake Calenhad and the icy Frostback Mountains in Ferelden’s chilly, hilly south, the Hinterlands are a region covered in patchy forests, small farms, and a bustling fishing village called Redcliffe. The region was recently the frontline of a war between mages and Templars, but the Inquisition’s military presence has restored order and is now focused on helping the locals and influx of refugees rebuild their lives. Whether you’re a recent recruit or a hardened veteran, a Fereldan local or someone who recently fell out of a rift from another world, you may be asked to go lend a hand.

I. FLOODS

A burst of unseasonably warm weather (in no way inspired by real life events) is initially greeted with relief, gloves discarded and scarves unwrapped—but followed within the week by severe flooding across the region. Maybe you’re sent out to help debris from a road or collect the bodies of those swept away. Or maybe you’re less lucky and instead there when the waters come, shepherding refugees to higher ground, or caught riding in the flow on a dislodged roof or log. Maybe there’s a bear on the roof with you.

II. TREASURE HUNTS

Given the lack of banks and lockboxes, when the people here have something they value, they often hide it—under the ground, in a tree, behind a waterfall. So here you are, with a sketch of some landmarks found on a body, trying to find… something. If you find it, it might be useful: weapons, runes, a stash of supplies. Or it might be someone’s box of racy letters and a request to deliver them to a now-married woman who will slap you on delivery.

III. BEARS

You have turned the wrong corner, forded the wrong stream, crested the wrong hill, entered the wrong cave. Maybe you are far from camp. Maybe you are in camp. Whatever has happened, wherever you are: you are being chased by bears. Did you provoke the bears? Are they huge? Babies? Fade-touched? Mage-controlled? What are they chasing you away from? What are they chasing you into? What do you plan to make out of their hide if you kill them? What do you think they'll craft out of your hide if they kill you?

IV. CRYSTALS

Members and trusted agents of the Inquisition are given access to one of the Inquisition's stores of ancient, mysterious sending crystals, allowing them to communicate instantaneously by voice. It's magic. And a magical excuse to ask everyone what their favorite constellation is in the middle of the night.

Or to call for help because you've been treed by bears.

Either way.

V. MISCELLANEOUS

Choose your own adventure! Hunt game, kill demons, gather herbs, track bandits, haggle over the price of armor, fall off a deceptively tall rock, get lost circling the same hill ten times trying to find a way up to the weird glowing skull on a stick you can see is up there, climb trees or abandoned towers, rummage around in empty homes, run from a dragon, cry over how cute that fennec fox you just shot was, set up camp and chat around the fire, knock yourself out (figuratively, or even literally if that's more your speed)—the Hinterlands are your Frostback Mountain oyster.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Over here!

[As the bear charges, two others join the fray. In an attempt to distract the bear from the lone human, a slight elven woman summons a boulder from the Fade and smashes it into her target. While this happens, her war hound charges, those large jaws ready to clamp down the moment he's within reach.]

[This is it, this is how it ends: as bear food. Or do bears even eat people? They didn't really have-

Oh there's a boulder hurtling into the bear. That's - wait, what?

He snaps out of his death-embracing stupor to realize someone's shouting at him, and to see a humongous dog charge at the bear. The beast stumbled back from the blow, snarling in irritation. She lets out a roar when the mabari clamps down on her.]

Coming!

[Prompto quickly scrambles and runs over towards the woman, stumbling to a halt when he's a bit behind her.]

Thanks! I owe you - wait, were you the one who threw that rock at it? How did you...?

[Meanwhile, the bear tries to swipe at the mabari to get it off of her.]

[Inessa doesn't respond right away, casting a Barrier spell over her dog since he's the focus of the bear's aggression. Then she levels a Misdirection Hex, the symbol flaring to life underneath the bear and making it all the more difficult to actually hit her mabari companion.]

You're welcome. Are there any bears nearby? One tends to attract another in short order.

[And then another. The Hinterlands are hated among the Inquisition for good reason.]

I - I don't think so. Didn't even see this one until it was too late.

[He pulls out his bow and draws an arrow, though his hold is unsure. He's still not yet used to it, but he refuses to sit out and just let them handle this.

The bear shakes her head and growls in frustration, pawing at the air, confused.

Prompto notches an arrow and lets it fly. It misses the bear, though luckily she's still misdirected enough that she doesn't know what's going on.]

That happens often, here. Garahel, keep moving!

[As the bear grows increasingly frustrated, Garahel bites down wherever he can before darting around to bite it somewhere else, keeping the creature off-guard. Inessa, not wanting to strike her mabari with friendly fire of a sort, is more careful than usual with her timing, waiting until the he's running about again before casting Winter's Grasp, briefly encasing the bear in ice. That it soon breaks free isn't the point; it's still hurt, and the resulting chill slows it down.]

[The poor bear is not having a good time of it. Even when she does break free, she's suffering multiple bite marks and now her joints are stiff from the ice spell. She proves herself to be one of the smarter bears in the Hinterlands and decides to cut her losses and run.

Prompto sighs in relief as she turns tail and bolts, lowering his bow. He's not very good with it yet and he was afraid of hitting the dog, so this works out much better.]

Hope she doesn't have cubs or something and that's why she attacked. Talk about going ballistic over nothing if she doesn't.

[As the bear actually flees, Garahel pauses in surprise and Inessa echoes it, eyebrows raised.]

A bear that flees rather than fight to the bitter end? That's new. Perhaps it's not among those driven mad by the rifts, then.

[Gesturing for Garahel to join them, she turns to their new companion.]

If it's not a rift, it could well be cubs or a preemptive retaliation thanks to those who have invaded their territory.

[The mabari heads over and sniffs at Prompto, wagging his tail hopefully. It's easy for him to shed the demeanor of the trained war hound in favor of friendly canine playmate.]

[Prompto rubs the back of his head, almost feeling bad now. He might have spooked her, or gone into her territory or something. If it's a den she's protecting, then he'll feel even worse. Though, he was going to leave. Not that the bear understood that, though...]

There is a lot going on around here. Those daemons coming out of those rifts, people wandering around... we might not be the first people who've run into her.

[Well at least she had the sense to run, and no one had to die.

Prompto looks down at the dog and smiles, reaching out his hand, palm up, towards him.]

Thanks for swooping in. Thought I was goner there for a second.

[Garahel places his paw in Prompto's hand. Yes, he knows how to shake. Inessa smiles, always glad to see people making friends with her dog.]

You're quite welcome. Believe it or not, the Hinterlands is safer than it used to be. The Mage-Templar war was fought here, among other places, but matters have since changed, mostly for the better.

I am Warden Inessa Serra, and...well, you know Garahel's name already.

[Prompto grins and shakes his paw. What a smart doggo. He lets go and gives Garahel a good scratch behind the ears. It's comforting to see a dog here, in a place so foreign and different from home.]

It used to be worse?

[What the shiiiiiit]

Guess I'm glad I missed that. My name's Prompto. I... I'm not from around here.

[Garahel rumbles happily at the ear-scratching, leaning into Prompto for that. Inessa nods at the information, unsurprised.]

I thought as much. Your accent is decidedly non-Fereldan.

If you have tired of the local wildlife, we are returning to the nearest Inquisition camp to rest. You're welcome to join us.

[He wished he had Ignis' accent, the one that some people of Eos ~~for seemingly no discernible reason~~ do have, because that sounds Fereldan. But nope. Not him, so he sticks out like a sore thumb.]

I... yeah, that'd be great. I'm kind of wiped. And hungry. And... lost.

[He's a bit of a hot mess right now.]

TEST DRIVE MEME!

Bears

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