allthisshitisweird | TEST DRIVE MEME!

I ROLL TO SEDUCE THE BEAR

Tucked between the massive Lake Calenhad and the icy Frostback Mountains in Ferelden’s chilly, hilly south, the Hinterlands are a region covered in patchy forests, small farms, and a bustling fishing village called Redcliffe. The region was recently the frontline of a war between mages and Templars, but the Inquisition’s military presence has restored order and is now focused on helping the locals and influx of refugees rebuild their lives. Whether you’re a recent recruit or a hardened veteran, a Fereldan local or someone who recently fell out of a rift from another world, you may be asked to go lend a hand.

I. FLOODS

A burst of unseasonably warm weather (in no way inspired by real life events) is initially greeted with relief, gloves discarded and scarves unwrapped—but followed within the week by severe flooding across the region. Maybe you’re sent out to help debris from a road or collect the bodies of those swept away. Or maybe you’re less lucky and instead there when the waters come, shepherding refugees to higher ground, or caught riding in the flow on a dislodged roof or log. Maybe there’s a bear on the roof with you.

II. TREASURE HUNTS

Given the lack of banks and lockboxes, when the people here have something they value, they often hide it—under the ground, in a tree, behind a waterfall. So here you are, with a sketch of some landmarks found on a body, trying to find… something. If you find it, it might be useful: weapons, runes, a stash of supplies. Or it might be someone’s box of racy letters and a request to deliver them to a now-married woman who will slap you on delivery.

III. BEARS

You have turned the wrong corner, forded the wrong stream, crested the wrong hill, entered the wrong cave. Maybe you are far from camp. Maybe you are in camp. Whatever has happened, wherever you are: you are being chased by bears. Did you provoke the bears? Are they huge? Babies? Fade-touched? Mage-controlled? What are they chasing you away from? What are they chasing you into? What do you plan to make out of their hide if you kill them? What do you think they'll craft out of your hide if they kill you?

IV. CRYSTALS

Members and trusted agents of the Inquisition are given access to one of the Inquisition's stores of ancient, mysterious sending crystals, allowing them to communicate instantaneously by voice. It's magic. And a magical excuse to ask everyone what their favorite constellation is in the middle of the night.

Or to call for help because you've been treed by bears.

Either way.

V. MISCELLANEOUS

Choose your own adventure! Hunt game, kill demons, gather herbs, track bandits, haggle over the price of armor, fall off a deceptively tall rock, get lost circling the same hill ten times trying to find a way up to the weird glowing skull on a stick you can see is up there, climb trees or abandoned towers, rummage around in empty homes, run from a dragon, cry over how cute that fennec fox you just shot was, set up camp and chat around the fire, knock yourself out (figuratively, or even literally if that's more your speed)—the Hinterlands are your Frostback Mountain oyster.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It sounds fancy enough.

[He smiles, and it's quite kind and sweet for someone who technically looks like a demon.]

I've never heard of France, though.

[Richelieu had tried to stay his opinions of horned beasts, enough to have conversations. But, the distance he kept between the creature and himself is in response to the ingrained sense of fear. And that smile. Don't do that. That just tells him that perhaps there's devil-work going on.]

I've been hearing that answer a lot since I've arrived here. I'm still not entirely sure where here is. Nor why my hand is in pain and glows such.

[There's a scripture passage about parts of your body leading you to commit sin and therefore you should cut it off... He's considering it.]

I'm sorry that you got stuck with one of those. Some Rifters do, if not all.

[He gives a slight shrug. Explaining the 'other world' stuff wasn't really his strength, but he could deal with the simpler stuff.]

If it hurts, you should probably see a healer. They could give you something to numb it.

[He frowns.]

Healers. Are there any that don't use... magic?

[Because witchcraft.]

[He almost looks a little concerned at that, even if his features gentle a bit afterwards. Even Rifters had problem with mages?]

There are several apothecaries and at least one surgeon that can help you without any magic used. Ask for some elfroot potions or salves, that should work.

[This one in particular. Spanish Inquisition and all... He nods.]

Thank you. That is... most helpful.

[Since it would go against his God to do anything else.]

I notice you don't have one. Does that mean you're native to this place?

[There was a slight hesitancy on 'native'. The Cardinal isn't sure if that's the proper term or not.]

You're welcome.

[Taas keeps his eyes on the man's lips as he speaks, making sure he's following the right words.

There's a slight chuckle from the big man, and he nods.]

That's right. I'm qunari, one of the people native to Thedas.

Qunari.

[It's repeated softly, more to ensure he's pronouncing it correctly.]

And do all of your kind have...

[He makes an awkward gesture to his head, to indicate the horns.]

[At least Taas can't hear if he butchers the pronunciation or not.]

These?

[He reaches up to touch one of his curling horns.]

Most of us do. Some are born without, and many that leave our main society cut theirs off so they can wear helmets or have less things to grab.

[He frowns at that.]

Wouldn't that... hurt? To cut them off, I mean.

Oh yes. It hurts like fuck and bleeds like you wouldn't believe.

[Okay, so maybe he was a little grossed out by cutting horns. It wasn't like they fell off every year or anything like that - they were full of blood vessels and bone.]

People usually cauterize them and put on some kind of metal clasp to protect what's left.

Then why would... Even with what you said. I can't imagine why someone would do that.

[Maybe the Cardinal has a small bit of sympathy.]

When you fight for a living, sometimes you have to make sacrifices. These things make us stand out.

[Taas rubs the root of one horn with a sigh.]

See it as cutting off toes to fit in a shoe. Only less crippling.

I tend to not be involved in the fighting.

[He's usually the one telling the fighters they have to fight.]

It takes all kinds to run an operation like this.

[Taas shrugs. He's a soldier, politics was not his thing.]

[He hums quietly. No, he hasn't picked up on the deafness yet. Good job with the lip reading.]

And what sort of operation is this?

[He's pretty damn good at it... you know, as long as he can see them. So Taas might be staring a lot at those lips, sir.

To be fair, it's a nice mustache.]

Saving the world from some crazy darkspawn who broke the sky and calls down demons to ravage everything. Those shards come from the first time he ripped the sky open, I think.

So, you save this world from the likes of Satan, even though you look like Satan himself?

[So much for tact.]

[Blink.]

What is sa... saatean?

[Shit, he doesn't know how to say that at all. Was it satin with an accent? No, that made no sense.]

[He furrows his brows.]

Satan. The Devil? Lucifer?

[He said the name first, what is this guy, deaf?]

I can't read those words at all.

[He rubs the back of his neck, slightly awkward.]

There's a Lucy in the library?

[And the frown deepens.]

How do you mean, you can't read those words. I'm speaking them, can't you just hear them?

No, I'm sorry. I can't hear a thing.

[He makes a gesture to his pointed ears.]

I'm reading your lips.... but Rifter words are kind of impossible for me to pick up right.

Oh.

[He's a little bit sheepish. Just a hint.]

I am sorry. You are doing very well. I hadn't noticed until just now. The Devil, or Satan. He's like the head demon.

[This is almost shaming.]

Don't worry about it. I didn't tell you.

[Taas prefers not to, since being an oxman already made some people think he was 'simple'. Being deaf on top of that could lead to pity, and he'd rather prove himself first.]

So this person is a demon leader, then? I guess it is pretty similar.

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