allthisshitisweird | TEST DRIVE MEME!

I ROLL TO SEDUCE THE BEAR

Tucked between the massive Lake Calenhad and the icy Frostback Mountains in Ferelden’s chilly, hilly south, the Hinterlands are a region covered in patchy forests, small farms, and a bustling fishing village called Redcliffe. The region was recently the frontline of a war between mages and Templars, but the Inquisition’s military presence has restored order and is now focused on helping the locals and influx of refugees rebuild their lives. Whether you’re a recent recruit or a hardened veteran, a Fereldan local or someone who recently fell out of a rift from another world, you may be asked to go lend a hand.

I. FLOODS

A burst of unseasonably warm weather (in no way inspired by real life events) is initially greeted with relief, gloves discarded and scarves unwrapped—but followed within the week by severe flooding across the region. Maybe you’re sent out to help debris from a road or collect the bodies of those swept away. Or maybe you’re less lucky and instead there when the waters come, shepherding refugees to higher ground, or caught riding in the flow on a dislodged roof or log. Maybe there’s a bear on the roof with you.

II. TREASURE HUNTS

Given the lack of banks and lockboxes, when the people here have something they value, they often hide it—under the ground, in a tree, behind a waterfall. So here you are, with a sketch of some landmarks found on a body, trying to find… something. If you find it, it might be useful: weapons, runes, a stash of supplies. Or it might be someone’s box of racy letters and a request to deliver them to a now-married woman who will slap you on delivery.

III. BEARS

You have turned the wrong corner, forded the wrong stream, crested the wrong hill, entered the wrong cave. Maybe you are far from camp. Maybe you are in camp. Whatever has happened, wherever you are: you are being chased by bears. Did you provoke the bears? Are they huge? Babies? Fade-touched? Mage-controlled? What are they chasing you away from? What are they chasing you into? What do you plan to make out of their hide if you kill them? What do you think they'll craft out of your hide if they kill you?

IV. CRYSTALS

Members and trusted agents of the Inquisition are given access to one of the Inquisition's stores of ancient, mysterious sending crystals, allowing them to communicate instantaneously by voice. It's magic. And a magical excuse to ask everyone what their favorite constellation is in the middle of the night.

Or to call for help because you've been treed by bears.

Either way.

V. MISCELLANEOUS

Choose your own adventure! Hunt game, kill demons, gather herbs, track bandits, haggle over the price of armor, fall off a deceptively tall rock, get lost circling the same hill ten times trying to find a way up to the weird glowing skull on a stick you can see is up there, climb trees or abandoned towers, rummage around in empty homes, run from a dragon, cry over how cute that fennec fox you just shot was, set up camp and chat around the fire, knock yourself out (figuratively, or even literally if that's more your speed)—the Hinterlands are your Frostback Mountain oyster.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ah. Yes.

[Always the awkward thing at times like this, having to explain about regenerations, having to wonder if he even should. But Jamie's here and not in his own place and time as well, so there's bigger concerns than having to explain his new face.]

This would probably be easier if I had a recorder... I know your name because we've met before, Jamie. I'm the Doctor.

[In any other time and any other place, it might have been an explanation met with large amounts of skepticism on Jamie's end. Or even if it'd been here, even a few months ago. Now, though, he's met another incarnation of the Doctor and gotten the explanation. Granted, he doesn't understand a lot of it - and probably never will - but it does mean that instead of disbelief, the Doctor just gets a grumbly Jamie, complete with his mouth tugging off to one side.]

You mean you've changed your face again already? I liked you being Scottish.

[Well, at least it'll save on most of the explanation, anyway?]

Already? Scottish?

[It's a better reaction than it could have been, but not for the reasons he thought. If anything it feels like the proverbial rug has been pulled out from under him, as the Doctor has to wonder who Jamie's met, if it's really him here twice, which can't mean anything good, or if someone's managed to convince his friend that they're him.]

What did he look like? I don't suppose he had a hat and cardigan, maybe an umbrella? I think I had a bit of an accent then...

No hat and umbrella, not unless he'd lost them somewhere first. And...

[And it'd been fairly chaotic at the time, so he has to think about what the Doctor was actually wearing, but after a moment he winds up shaking his head.]

Not a cardigan, either. He was wearing a waistcoat, I'm sure of it. He's taller than you, I'd say. Very thin, with grey hair, and he has these eyebrows that look like someone's stuck two fuzzy caterpillars on his face.

[Sorry, Twelve.]

Why do you want to know, Doctor?

Well at least my double's dress sense sounds reasonable, although more worryingly he doesn't sound like anyone I know.

[Which meant either a future version of himself or an impostor. Although why anyone would claim to be him now is beyond him.]

Did he tell you anything else, Jamie? Give any indication when in my timeline he might be from?

Wait, wait wait wait. [Of course, there's another question he hadn't thought to ask yet. Clearly he was starting to slow down.] How did he prove he was the Doctor to you? You must have been sceptical, you've never seen any of my other faces, have you?

[All he'd really gotten out of Twelve was 'thousands of years', which even he knew probably wasn't going to be all that helpful, but before he gets a chance to say as much the Doctor's already asking more questions, and all that happens is that he winds up pulling a face again.]

Of course I was. And if he'd not said what he had about what we've done together I'd not have believed him.

[There's a little more to it then that but just then the piece of house that he's clinging to shifts in the water, reminding him of the predicament they're currently in. He's forced to scrabble in order to readjust his grip, and the line of his mouth deepens quite visibly.]

Look, could we worry about that later? If we stay here much longer, we'll wind up being swept right into the lake!

That's probably a good point, don't want to end up in the lake, as interesting as that might be. Safer to go sailing in an actual boat. Now...

[The Doctor stands cautiously, rocking the whole section unnervingly so.]

There looks like there's a few trees close to the water up ahead. If we can get close enough we might be able to get a hold of them.

Hey, careful!

[That is not a sensation Jamie cares for at all, even though he's holding on tightly enough now that he's able to making it through the rocking without losing his grip again. That might not be the case a second or third time. Still, he gamely lifts his head up as best as he can, peering in the direction the Doctor is looking. It's doable...if they can manage to get there. He grimaces, teeth scraping against his lower lip for a moment before he lets it go and a determined look comes onto his face instead.]

Right. I'm going to try kicking. You coming back down here or are you just going to hold on, then?

TEST DRIVE MEME!

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