allthisshitisweird | TEST DRIVE MEME!

I ROLL TO SEDUCE THE BEAR

Tucked between the massive Lake Calenhad and the icy Frostback Mountains in Ferelden’s chilly, hilly south, the Hinterlands are a region covered in patchy forests, small farms, and a bustling fishing village called Redcliffe. The region was recently the frontline of a war between mages and Templars, but the Inquisition’s military presence has restored order and is now focused on helping the locals and influx of refugees rebuild their lives. Whether you’re a recent recruit or a hardened veteran, a Fereldan local or someone who recently fell out of a rift from another world, you may be asked to go lend a hand.

I. FLOODS

A burst of unseasonably warm weather (in no way inspired by real life events) is initially greeted with relief, gloves discarded and scarves unwrapped—but followed within the week by severe flooding across the region. Maybe you’re sent out to help debris from a road or collect the bodies of those swept away. Or maybe you’re less lucky and instead there when the waters come, shepherding refugees to higher ground, or caught riding in the flow on a dislodged roof or log. Maybe there’s a bear on the roof with you.

II. TREASURE HUNTS

Given the lack of banks and lockboxes, when the people here have something they value, they often hide it—under the ground, in a tree, behind a waterfall. So here you are, with a sketch of some landmarks found on a body, trying to find… something. If you find it, it might be useful: weapons, runes, a stash of supplies. Or it might be someone’s box of racy letters and a request to deliver them to a now-married woman who will slap you on delivery.

III. BEARS

You have turned the wrong corner, forded the wrong stream, crested the wrong hill, entered the wrong cave. Maybe you are far from camp. Maybe you are in camp. Whatever has happened, wherever you are: you are being chased by bears. Did you provoke the bears? Are they huge? Babies? Fade-touched? Mage-controlled? What are they chasing you away from? What are they chasing you into? What do you plan to make out of their hide if you kill them? What do you think they'll craft out of your hide if they kill you?

IV. CRYSTALS

Members and trusted agents of the Inquisition are given access to one of the Inquisition's stores of ancient, mysterious sending crystals, allowing them to communicate instantaneously by voice. It's magic. And a magical excuse to ask everyone what their favorite constellation is in the middle of the night.

Or to call for help because you've been treed by bears.

Either way.

V. MISCELLANEOUS

Choose your own adventure! Hunt game, kill demons, gather herbs, track bandits, haggle over the price of armor, fall off a deceptively tall rock, get lost circling the same hill ten times trying to find a way up to the weird glowing skull on a stick you can see is up there, climb trees or abandoned towers, rummage around in empty homes, run from a dragon, cry over how cute that fennec fox you just shot was, set up camp and chat around the fire, knock yourself out (figuratively, or even literally if that's more your speed)—the Hinterlands are your Frostback Mountain oyster.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You seem certain about that. I think you might find, yours is archaic by comparison.

[Because everything is a competition, clearly.]

I do know. Exactly what you're talking about. Look at me. Really look.

Archaic?

[There's no small amount of indignation there and he gives the other a sharp look, and a sneaking suspicion starts to coalesce in his mind.]

...oh no, not again. It never goes well when there's more than one of me in one place, and since I don't know your face, I can only assume that means...?

That you survive a great deal longer than you expected or maybe wanted? Yes. Yes you do.

[He's such a cheery chap, isn't he?]

That said, this place is riddled with what they call rifts, so it was only a matter of time before any other mes showed up. I fear it's going to take all of me to do it.

[If all of him shows up, that is...]

Certainly more than I expected at least. [He agrees, though he has to wonder about the wanted part. He'd barely survived his most recent brush with death and yes, it had been in part because for a moment, the briefest of moments, he'd given up. But even being exiled to another universe, he didn't feel as though he wished he hadn't tried to come back.

It raises a rather discomforting question about what exactly has happened to his future self that that might change.]

All of us to do what, exactly? Because I'm fairly certain Gallifrey may take some issue if all of me show up here. That would be, what, nine? [He hazards, trying to get a feel for how far along his future self is.] Or maybe more if every Doctor gets drawn here. You know how Romana feels about more than one of me in the one place.

Why to close all the rifts and get everyone back to their home universes, of course.

[Totally ignoring the 'how many of me are there' issue. He looks around to make sure there isn't anyone too close to over hear them.]

She didn't come with you, did she? The TARDIS?

[Because if she were here, that would be bad. Twelve doesn't want her here, not if tech isn't working. But then he mentions Romana and this one sighs. The sigh of someone who hasn't seen a dear friend in far too long.]

I'm sure Romana likes it much more than she lets on.

[Especially if she were still alive. Actually, if she were still alive, all the messes with Rassilon wouldn't have happened. Maybe it's the Doctor who liked Romana more than he let on in later years...]

The TARDIS? No... No, she didn't, but I was travelling in her at the time before I arrived here, which is a little troubling. Not many things can reach into the TARDIS and affect us there.

[But he gives a smile, not going to let that get him down even if it is slightly concerning.]

All the same, it isn't the first time we've been separated. I'm certain she'll turn up eventually.

[He gives his older self a curious look at the sigh.] Well I suppose it doesn't really matter. She's on Gallifrey and we're... somewhere else.

Same happened to me. Which... well, I am sorry.

[Twelve feels like it's his fault. But if they could break through the TARDIS post all the Time War updates he had done, then Eight's would have been child's play.]

Tech doesn't work here, so if it's all the same, I hope she doesn't. She doesn't deserve the hell that would be.

[Though he really hopes she isn't trying to get here. He hasn't touched the key yet, because he's just been too afraid of what answer that might hold.]

Indeed she is.

[Though probably nothing left of her. The Doctor was certain that Rassilon hunted her down, since she was the one who got him access to The Moment. And only Romana could have convinced him to use it.... He looks around them.]

We shouldn't stay too long. You'll catch cold, so if you're rested enough we should head back.

[And sorry, no he won't be offering his jacket. Spoilers and all. He stands and offers a hand to his younger self to help him up.]

Doesn't work here? That doesn't make much sense. Even if it hasn't been invented yet, physics is still physics.

[But even as he protests, he's watching his older self, thinking he must have reason to believe that claim. Then it occurs to him that there's another reason the TARDIS mightn't be able to survive here. The reason that he'd been leaving the universe in the first place.

It's a grim realisation, a shadow passing over his face though he doesn't give it voice yet. Little point at this time. Instead he rises, taking the offered hand and giving himself a wan smile.]

You do realise we're going to need a way for people to tell us apart in conversation. If we both simply use 'Doctor' there might be some confusion.

[He notes that darkness and he wonders which event his younger-self had faced recently. He wasn't sure it mattered, since they were here now.]

Well. We look different enough, I'm sure people will find a way.

[And he's grumpy-pants, so there's that.]

It's been a long time since I've properly gone by John Smith.

[And everyone he's met already calls him 'Doctor' he's not one for aliases this go.]

I suppose you're right. That and we're usually called all manner of things anyway. 'Hey you', 'Stop him', or my personal favourite 'Seize him!'.

[He grins broadly.] Although it occurs to me that you likely get those as well so it's not terribly helpful.

[Starting off, he gestures for his older self to take the lead.] Come on then, let's not stand around wasting time. Tell me about this place then, how long have you been here?

[He chuckles softly. Ah the memories.]

Oh, Yes. Yes. Yes. Just this way, then, I can talk on the way.

[He gestures the way.]

I've been here about two months? [He taps his head.] Things are a little hard to read here. I think it's the Rifts. That's what the natives call those things we came through. Reached me through the TARDIS too. But be careful. The Natives think that anyone who comes through them are 'demons'.

TEST DRIVE MEME!

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excuse Time War and general Romana headcanon.

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Moar headcanon, sorry. It will probably all be wiped via BFA

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