crystal malfunction memevent

[faderifting]

crystals get fucked
(a meme slash tiny game event)

The Inquisition’s sending crystals are typically very reliable and not susceptible to accidental transmissions or misdelivered messages. They’re also fairly limited in function and security.

The latter is something that researchers in Skyhold are working to address, when they have the time. Unfortunately, one of them—maybe a little angry about having to work alone on First Day, maybe day drinking while she does so—has now made some significant errors while meddling with proposed improvements. And from the beginning of the day on Wintermarch 1, the sending crystals will start behaving badly:

Messages might transmit to the wrong person.

Messages might transmit to the right person but also a few additional unintended people.

Messages might transmit to everyone at once.

Pieces of old conversations from any point in the last year or so might leak, either to individuals or to everyone. Delayed messages of that sort will sound distant, like they’re coming from the end of a long tunnel.

Attempts to transition from a public to a private conversation will sometimes fail.

Crystals may start transmitting to people or to everyone at random, without being touched.

All of this could occur at any time—sometimes at the beginning of a conversation, sometimes midway through it, sometimes when someone isn’t using the crystal at all.

The problems will start out sporadic enough to seem insignificant or like probable user errors, but grow increasingly common as the day wears on, until the issue is identified and corrected at Skyhold in the early hours of Wintermarch 2 and the tipsy researcher disciplined accordingly.

This meme/event is game canon. You can decide among yourselves if there’s something you would rather try out for fun with no consequences and/or retcon after the fact, as always, but unless otherwise established by players, this is really happening. Threads done in this post can count toward activity rewards.

Additionally, this specific post is for open top-levels that anyone can tag and threadjack. Think TFLN in style/format, missing pants optional. Don’t post closed or locked conversations here. If you want to do specific misfires with specific people, you can use inboxes. You can also post to the rookery comm if you want to use the event for a more visible gamewide open post.

Comments

[the_cleric]

Well.

[In the voice of An Expert.]

First, you should borrow this book that I have, it is called Tusk Love. And then you should read it, cover to cover, and very quickly, but not too quickly because you want to make sure that you are really taking everything in and learning all of what it has to teach you.

It is a romance. It is very, very sexy. And I promise, you will kiss so many sexy captains if you read Tusk Love and use it as like, a model for your life.

[faithlikeaseed]

...Why is it called Tusk Love?

[curiosity. cats. etc.]

[the_cleric]

Well. It is about a sexy half-orc named Oskar, and he has tusks. And it is all about the merchant's daughter falling in love with him, so it is like, she loves tusks. She is into them.

And there are some pre-tty racy scenes, where the tusks get love...

[indissection]

I do not think that it'll be particularly useful to me, madame.

[the_cleric]

Of course it will be! Like, okay, so there are no orcs here, so there are no half-orcs--

[She blows a raspberry, dismissive.]

Big whoop! The best part about a story is that you can imagine yourself in it. And sometimes you have to squint a little harder, but that is not a bad thing!

[indissection]

Then tell me. [ Now Sidony sounds very amused. ] What part of the story should I imagine myself to be? The orc or the lover?

[the_cleric]

[In a tantalizing sing-song,] If you re-ad it, you would find ou-ut....

But that is a really really good question. I do not know you super well-- [or at all; minor detail] --but if you want some guy to kiss you, then you would obviously be Guinevere, the sexy daughter of the traveling merchant, who falls in love with Oskar. But she can't help herself.

Do you want to know what I think, though? I think that someone should write the story from Oskar's point of view too. Because I think that he secretly wants to be kissed by Guinevere just as badly as she wants to be kissed by him. Only since it is a secret, she doesn't know it! And he doesn't know that she has the same secret. I think that almost everyone is secretly hoping someone kisses them.

[indissection]

Perhaps, my lady, we ought to read it together and see if we might understand Ser Oskar's perspective a little better.

[the_cleric]

[Enchanted by this suggestion, Jester gasps quietly.]

Oh my gosh. Like, we would read it out loud to each other?

[indissection]

[ It's very difficult to resist a laugh. ]

If you would like. I could be the lady and you could be Oskar.

[the_cleric]

[Jester gasps, again, in the exact same pitch and timbre.]

Yes. Yes, and I will do a really really good voice for him. And I will bring cake, and milk, so we can have snacks and stuff while we are reading together. Oh, my gosssssh, this is going to be soooo much fun--

[indissection]

It sounds like a wonderful thing to do together. [ Softer, now. ] Shall I bring anything, my lady?

[the_cleric]

You better believe it! Umm, you can bring... Well, what's your favorite cake? Or pastry? It could even be doughnuts, or cupcakes... I am totally not picky. And then we can trade, and share, and taste new stuff.

It will be extra better.

[indissection]

I’ve not eaten much in the way of cake, but I’ve always enjoyed the small ones with cherries. [ A soft hum. ] I’ll see if I can find those and some doughnuts.

[the_cleric]

Yessssss.

[So pleased by this plan and these suggestions that she's nearly breathless, Jester covers her mouth with her hands.]

Ahh-- [a happy squeal that she makes through her fingers, muffled] --I love cakes with little cherries! I cannot wait! We are going to have such a good time.

[indissection]

[ This is the most utterly charming thing to have happened to her since she arrived in the Inquisition. There's something much, much softer about Sidony as she speaks again. ]

It is going to be marvellous. [ She's already making plans to get the damn cakes. ] When shall I come?