crystal malfunction memevent

[faderifting]

crystals get fucked
(a meme slash tiny game event)

The Inquisition’s sending crystals are typically very reliable and not susceptible to accidental transmissions or misdelivered messages. They’re also fairly limited in function and security.

The latter is something that researchers in Skyhold are working to address, when they have the time. Unfortunately, one of them—maybe a little angry about having to work alone on First Day, maybe day drinking while she does so—has now made some significant errors while meddling with proposed improvements. And from the beginning of the day on Wintermarch 1, the sending crystals will start behaving badly:

Messages might transmit to the wrong person.

Messages might transmit to the right person but also a few additional unintended people.

Messages might transmit to everyone at once.

Pieces of old conversations from any point in the last year or so might leak, either to individuals or to everyone. Delayed messages of that sort will sound distant, like they’re coming from the end of a long tunnel.

Attempts to transition from a public to a private conversation will sometimes fail.

Crystals may start transmitting to people or to everyone at random, without being touched.

All of this could occur at any time—sometimes at the beginning of a conversation, sometimes midway through it, sometimes when someone isn’t using the crystal at all.

The problems will start out sporadic enough to seem insignificant or like probable user errors, but grow increasingly common as the day wears on, until the issue is identified and corrected at Skyhold in the early hours of Wintermarch 2 and the tipsy researcher disciplined accordingly.

This meme/event is game canon. You can decide among yourselves if there’s something you would rather try out for fun with no consequences and/or retcon after the fact, as always, but unless otherwise established by players, this is really happening. Threads done in this post can count toward activity rewards.

Additionally, this specific post is for open top-levels that anyone can tag and threadjack. Think TFLN in style/format, missing pants optional. Don’t post closed or locked conversations here. If you want to do specific misfires with specific people, you can use inboxes. You can also post to the rookery comm if you want to use the event for a more visible gamewide open post.

Comments

to everyone

[bouchonne]

My heart does ache at the memory of you without your clothes.

[onlyhymns]

wh......what???

a failed attempt at privacy, of course

[coquettish_trees]

[ sounding hoarse and weepy and awful: ]

This is hardly the fucking time.

[keenly]

I doubt it, somehow.

[arlathvhen]

I beg your pardon.

[elegiaque]

( suspiciously, )

Have you been at the Asgards?

[divineshadow]

Explain yourself.

[sarcophage]

Does it?

[directed away:] Are you certain this one's mine? [a muffled response.] Well, it's just said it remembers my naked body, or something—I'm not, it really did.

i know i need to be tagging you elsewhere instead but nO

[cozen]

The learned men in Orlais call it indigestion. You might try avoiding rich foods and wine before bed.

[distantly, amorously]

[doneisdone]

If you like, I can give you some pointers. On dealing with insubordination.

[arlathvhen]

[ With polite confusion. ]

I suppose you would know.

[faithlikeaseed]

[slightly alarmed,] Warden—did this go to the right person?

[cozen]

[ Pleasantly game: ]

I am always willing to take advice.

[presently, deadpan]

[pinprick]

Enlighten me.

an echo.

[indissection]

Tell me, then. What would you have me to do encourage a man to wish to kiss me?

Private

[justice_is_blond]

Tell him you have money? If you're not going to be in to him you may as well go for someone shallow who won't be hurt by it.

[rathercommon]

I don't think this was meant for me, but since you're talking to me, I've got to ask why you're trying to get other people to kiss you rather than just kissing them yourself.

[limier]

Who is the man?

[ who is this, period ]

[exequy]

—Sidony?

[ Weird. And if he’d known her growing up, it might be weirder. But he didn’t, so whatever. ]

Have you tried removing clothes?

[the_cleric]

Well.

[In the voice of An Expert.]

First, you should borrow this book that I have, it is called Tusk Love. And then you should read it, cover to cover, and very quickly, but not too quickly because you want to make sure that you are really taking everything in and learning all of what it has to teach you.

It is a romance. It is very, very sexy. And I promise, you will kiss so many sexy captains if you read Tusk Love and use it as like, a model for your life.

echo;

[wythersake]

Someone always wants to talk about their childhood.

[bouchonne]

How repulsive.

[echos]

[arlathvhen]

I found your little present. If I ever get my hands on you, I'm dunking you in the bay and not letting you up.

[ Despite the words, the tone is warm and more amused than irritated. ]

[altusimperius]

My-- I d-- what??

to everyone

[assistente]

At the behest of the seneschal, the addition of four crates containing six jars is requested. Two crates at minimum. Wet fat rendering or semi-wet fat rendering having been traditionally preferred but not necessary.

Bear fat is requested specifically as it carries over less taste. Produces a superior lubricant.

[rathercommon]

What is - What is this for.

to everyone

[exsecutus]

--io.

[Cutting right in the middle of this important message.]

I tell you this so you can make the most educated decision: by all accounts, the Maker wasted a good asshole when he put teeth in that mouth.

[sarcophage]

That might be the worst thing I've ever heard, [which, naturally, is why he's laughing.]

[exequy]

[ Kostos starts mid-sentence, quiet but furious and sounding (accurately) like he'd been going for a while before the crystal interfered. He also starts in Nevarran, which limits the pool of people he could be intending to talk to. ]

—cause he’s used to praise every time he summons something without choking on his—

[ And then he switches helpfully to the trade tongue to curse, and stays there. ]

—fucking tongue, and even if he had Enchanter Sotiria probably would have called it a daring new technique and made me try it.

[sarcophage]

You again? Did no one teach you how to use these?