allthisshitisweird | TEST DRIVE MEME!

Entry tags:

! test drive

TEST DRIVE MEME!

WHAT A GLOOORIOUS FEELING

WE'RE STILL IN THE HINTERLANDS

How’s the weather, Inquisition? Terrible. Heavy rainfall pelts the plains and the mountains, four straight days of it! Dark clouds block out the sun. It may begin to feel like there’s no end to the storms in sight. When darkness falls, cold evening temperatures turn that rain frigid. Your boots, your socks, they’re soaked through. Everyone smells like wet wool.

And as if all that weren’t enough: the increased rainfall loosens patches of mud and shale, causing mudslides.

1. We’re not in Orzammar anymore…

A recent group of dwarven traders bearing fine crafts and goods were inbound for Skyhold, ready to flood the markets with their wares. Instead, they got flooded out.

Yes, word has reached the Inquisition that the traders have been unfortunately detained by the weather and they are now in need of a rescue. Dare you venture out into the lashing rain and sliding mud to rescue the traders?

If you do so dare, you’ll find some of the traders to be exceedingly grateful for your efforts, ready to bestow handsome rewards on you, O Brave Soul -- just as soon as you’ve escorted them safely back to Skyhold. Or you might find a cluster of more disagreeable traders, grumpy at the water in their boots and the loss of their goods. Some of those goods might still be rescuable, if you want to wade out into a mud field to retrieve a fallen chest, or tug an errant terrified donkey back onto what’s passing for dry road these days.

As you carry these treasures back to their masters, or back to Skyhold, you might consider helping yourself to a sampling of the wares on your way back. After all, your reward might not be adequate, and you are risking your life for these ungrateful sons of mothers. Just don’t get caught. These traders don’t look kindly on thieves, and frayed tempers snap easily.

Feel free to get stuck on your way to the rescue, too. Weather out the storm with a fellow do-gooder. These days, the rescuers might need rescuing just as much.

2. Are you mad? That’s twelve year old scotch!

In Skyhold and the surrounding tent towns, what with the confusion and the panic and the scramble for high ground, market stalls are left unattended and wares are ripe for the taking. For some, temptation proves to be too much. Where there’s disaster, there’s often looting! A few vendors defend their own wares, and those that can’t make desperate entreaties for assistance. Bandits! Thieves!

Are you a brave and hale friend to the Inquisition and to good honest trade, ready to defend the wares of the waterlogged merchants? Or maybe your sticky fingers spot a tempting treasure too great to ignore. If they didn’t want it stolen, they should have taken it with them! Watch out for that Qunari metalsmith with the mean right hook. He’s not to be trifled with, and his blow will leave you toothless in the mud.

3. I gotta go, Julia, we got bears.

The rainfall has disturbed more than the mud. Bears, resting in their caves, have found their caves to be too damp for their liking, and they’ve taken to the open air to vent their spleens. Some people say that the bears are as frightened as you are, but when you’re faced with a six hundred pound beast with huge pointy teeth, their innocence is a little harder to keep in perspective.

The tents surrounding greater Skyhold are especially worried by rogue bears. Make a stand against them, or else help evacuate a threatened campsite. Mudwrestling a bear is a great way to impress the ladies, or the gentlemen… but no one will blame you for beating a hasty retreat.

4. We got 12 skins of water, 56 ales, two vodkas, four whiskeys, six bottles of wine, tequila, hazelnut paste, cheese, bread, eggs, bananas, apples, bacon, steaks, pancakes, dry grain, milk, sweet tomato sauce, half a pudding, half-ounce Sour Wine, 3 1/2 grams Grand Inquisitor Kush, one ounce of 'shrooms, 15 ecstasy potions, a smutty woodcut, a bat…

TIME TO HUNKER DOWN. In the tavern, the barkeep is handing out free spiced wine to anyone who takes refuge behind her door. The din of conversation and lutesong makes a fine lullabye for the careworn traveler, and you might find yourself inadvertently dropping off to sleep. Or maybe someone’s fallen asleep on you.

Who can blame the slumberers, finally safe and warm and dry? In the tavern, the fires have been built up to ward off the chill and the damp, but relaxation is a little more difficult these days. You really have to elbow your way in there to get close to that warmth. Once you get close enough, you’ll find that the hearths are taken up with dozens and dozens of wet socks and wetter boots, steaming gently as they dry. Be disgusted if you want, or else peel off your own and go barefoot while you wait.

Hey! What’s going on over there? Someone’s taking one of your socks! Stop, thief!

If you can’t make it to the tavern, you might find yourself holed up somewhere a little more unlikely. The limited space within Skyhold means there aren’t a lot of free rooms. That door you shoulder open in desperation might have an owner already. Intrusions aren’t always unwelcome, but beware of what -- or who! -- you might find.

5. Lots of fish… and lots of weather.

WILDCARD. Whatever you do, just remember: there’s a lot of rain, you’re very wet, and if you’re feeling amorous, keep in mind that everyone smells like wet wool. We cannot stress this enough.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Korrin has been ready for bears since the moment she entered the Hinterlands, of course. Rift-addled bears is as much a fact of life here as mabari or the Fereldan fear of spices. Clad in the dragon hide armor of which she's so proud, staff held aloft in one hand and spirit blade hilt in the other, the Vashoth woman grins that very familiar voice draws her attention.

"Fight, of course. What do you take me for?" Casting Barrier, she then blurs forward to get the bear's attention with her glowing spirit blade. It was time to show Lena what she could do as a Knight-Enchanter through real combat, not just swinging the blade around outside the tavern.

"Good to see you haven't gone all soft-- shit!" Lena had been planning on saying more, but then Korrin charges forward with her blade held up and she has to get her head on straight because they're fighting a bear, not watching a magic display. But fuck, if that spirit blade isn't impressive.

"If you think I'm letting you..." She doesn't bother finishing that thought, leaping forward into a somersault and coming out of it at the bear's flank, which she sinks a dagger into. The bear roars and she twists the blade before drawing it out and moving to a new position.

"So!" she begins conversationally. "Long time, no see."

"Yeah, what took you so long? Or did you want in after the dragonslaying?" Yes, Korrin had to write and brag about that. How could she not? But she can't rest on her laurels now, not when there's an angry bear keeping them company. It swipes at Korrin, but the barrier holds and she blasts it with lightning before swinging at it with her blade anew.

"Oh, you know," she says, dodging the swipe of a paw and setting one dagger on her back to reach into her coat with her free hand and pull out a glass bottle.

"Poison coming!" she warns, to give Korrin time to get out of the splash zone before she flings it at the bear's feet and a cloud of toxic dust flies up into its face. She retrieves her dagger and continues the conversation.

"Figured it was time to see what the holdup was with killing this Corriff-whatever darkspawn asshole."

The warning is helpful, of course, and since Korrin needs a bit before she can activate Fade Step again, she'll just dart away without use of magic for the time being. The toxic dust cloud is well-avoided while it lasts, Korrin switching to her magic as she triggers an explosion of flame underneath the bear, provoking an enraged roar.

"Well, let's see; red lyrium jutting out of the ground, Red Templars enslaving people, breeding grounds to eradicate...and we're out of good northern brews. But admit it, you just couldn't stay away from me." Winking, Korrin then blasts at the bear with her staff, now treating this more like playtime than an annoyance. Funny how good company can completely shift one's mood.

"Excuses, excuses," she says, slicing at the bear's front paw and twirling back out of the way. She risks a smile over at Korrin, because the bear needs a moment before it can see again.

"Is that where you got the new armor? Nice. I wouldn't mind killing a dragon myself. These piece of shit boots of mine are falling apart. I could get dragon scale boots." Then she falls silent, creeping up behind the bear in her shitty but still stealthy boots, before slamming her daggers down into its back.

Once the cloud clears, Korrin blurs forward again and slices at the bear's side with her spirit blade, this time cutting in deep. Taking advantage of that, she'll keep her assault relentless to wear it down all the faster. Between herself and Lena, it won't last long. They're Valo-Kas, and the best at what they do.

"If you're here to stay, I can make it my 'welcome to the Inquisition' present. I still have some left over. At least if you did your part and brought some decent brews along with you." Maraas-lok care packages were nice, but it's actually not Korrin's favorite. She just requests it for the amusement value that comes of watching people take their first sip and as a sleep aid for those who need it.

"Time will tell." Which isn't a yes or a no. If she ends up hating the Inquisition or -- worse yet -- bored stiff of it, she might just leave. "But I'll give it a shot for a little while, at least, so I'd be happy to take the extra off your hands." Free shit? Yes, please.

Her daggers now move as a blur as she stabs, slices, and stabs again with the second blades on the back. Blood is flying everywhere, which just spurs her on all the harder to leave the bear in a pool of it. Hey, it's the bear's fault for chasing after her. It could have turned around and headed back to its cave. That's her philosophy.

"Good enough for me, Lena."

It's a philosophy Korrin agrees with. If there's one thing she's learned from roaming the Hinterlands, it's that bears usually start it so therefore it's their fault for being turned into blankets and rugs. As the bear, bleeding heavily, tries to turn to Lena after her assult, Korrin whirls her staff and encases it in ice, then nods to her friend. Have the kill-shot, for old times' sake.

Aww, what a pal. With a grin, Lena steps back, considers what the parting shot should be, and then launches forward, spinning in the air to deliver one last blow to the bear's side. And with that, it collapses to the ground, ice bursting off its hide. Lena lets out a whistle through her teeth.

"Now that was fun." By herself it would have been a real hassle, but with a friend it was as easy as a bored farm girl.

As her spirit blade winks out, Korrin sheathes it and admires Lena's work. It's really been too long since she's seen her friend in action like this, and now she's flooded with nostalgia. It's almost enough for her to say they should just head back to the Valo-Kas, but it's only wishful thinking. She's made a promise, after all.

"Wasn't it? I bet we could find something even better around here." But before they do, Korrin steps in and gives Lena a firm hug. Deal with it, it's been a while and she's happy to see one of her favorite people from the company. "It's good to see you again, Lena. Let's raise some hell together."

"Ugggggh," Lena groans out, pretending that a hug is like a contagious disease for all of one second before she's squeezing Korrin back tight. Very few people in Lena's life get this treatment, and fewer still have Lena hugging first. She actually would have, had Korrin not beaten her to it, so Lena has to make a production out of it in return.

"Shit, I know we've gone off and done our own thing before, but this time, being apart was... harder." And she knows why it was harder. Korrin was off helping to save the world and Lena was off trying to fill the hole in her heart where Aban used to be.

"If raising hell involves dragons and ripping this darkspawn guy's balls off, I'm in."

That good-natured groan just gets a chuckle from Korrin. "So dramatic." Lena's one of the few people here she can hug without fear of crushing her, so she will. Deal with it. Admittedly, it's easier to get hugs out of her when they've packed away drinks at a tavern, but that's coming.

Stepping back, Korrin's expression softens and she nods, her thoughts turning to Aban and the others lost. "I know. But you're here now, and that's what counts. Hell, there's a dragon in the northeast corner of this blasted area that won't go away. I say we gather up as many grenades and potions as we can and take it out before it breeds more dragonlings."

Lena takes the opportunity to crack her knuckles and gives Korrin a nod.

"Let's do it. Does Redcliffe have decent supplies for grenades? And which kind of dragon is it, so we get the right resistance tonic?"

"It's a Fereldan Frostback, which is a terrible name for it since it's a fire dragon. And there's some supplies at the village, but the crossroads is closer. We can head there, prepare them at camp and be off faster than we'd be otherwise." Because let's face it, they'd also want to visit the tavern and that should be for post-dragon celebration, not before.

"Right, I'm game." Korrin knows what she's doing, so Lena will just follow along, though she does add, "Hope the Inquisition's been paying you well. I can't afford to get everything I'd like." And of course it depends on selection too, but she needs to save her money to spend of frivolous shit for herself because that's how she rolls. She buys what ingredients she needs for a job that will offer a good payout. Killing a dragon will lead to raw materials, but there's only so much they can carry, so she doesn't want to waste all her funds on preparation.

"It's not why I'm here, but the pay is decent." The point is revenge, this time, not payment...though that said, Korrin won't complain. She sets her staff on her back once more, moving away from the bear. "I make a lot from side-stuff, though. Between ore, hides and so on there's plenty to sell if you know where to look or what to fight. Asher's made a tidy profit with his bear blankets, I know that much. And I've yet to run out of the silverite I got from Emprise du Lion. Some of it went towards getting people the hell out of there, but upgrading weapons and armor is still a good cause all in its own."

"Yeah, but Asher could sell pig shit to a princess," Lena says, with complete affection, of course. It's just that affection from her sounds like annoyance. She falls in step beside Korrin, her steps more of a sashay that comes from being a huge rogue who has learned to step lightly and with perfect balance.

"So the Inquisition doesn't make you mine it and then take it all from you? Huh." Intriguing.

"Nah. That isn't to say they don't need funds or people to do work for them, but that's what kissing up to nobles is for. After the party we had for them a month ago, we'd better have gotten something good out of it." Korrin smirks, heading Lena off before she can ask. "Yes, I went. Not for their sake, but I wasn't going to pass up the chance to see Araceli in a kickass dress and scandalize them all with her help."

At least compared to what Lena might have done if she'd been strong-armed into going somehow, Korrin was absolutely angelic that night. No threats or looming, even when provoked.

Lena's mouth is open, ready to ask, but when Korrin beats her to it, she just whistles through her front teeth instead.

"And she has incredible tits, right? I seem to remember you saying that once. I can see why it was worth going for that. Don't think I would have bothered, myself."

Korrin nods, understanding well that Lena would have hated it. "You would've liked the party in the valley, though; not formal at all and plenty of hooch to go around. But yes, she does. I didn't even tell you the best part; Taashath told her to say a certain phrase to me without telling her what it meant, implying that it was romantic: Taarsidath-an halsaam."

Lena stops in her tracks, grabs Korrin's arm in a tight grip, and looks as though someone just offered her all the gold in Orlais.

"No. Fucking. Way."

Lena's reaction only gets Korrin to laugh all over again. "I'm not making this up. Nearly stumbled on her mid-dance and everything. That made her want to find Taas and punch him, but...well, he had to have expected that. I'm sure he was fine, it'd be like punching a mountain."

"I might buy him a drink for that. Maybe." Lena parting with coin is serious business. "I wish I could have seen her face when you told her what it really meant." Chuckling, she starts walking again.

"At least joining up means I'll finally get to meet her."

Korrin raises her eyebrows at mention of Lena parting with coin, knowing how rare that is, but her expression softens at mention of Araceli. She remembers to keep pace with Lena, though, remembering she was the one supposed to be leading the way. "You will, and soon. Just in time, too. We've been talking about putting together a northern-style feast for our friends, a respite from bland Fereldan stuff and weird Orlesian dishes."

TEST DRIVE MEME!

All the bears.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)