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allthisshitisweird2016-04-16 01:02 pm
faderifting) wrote in allthisshitisweird2016-04-16 01:02 pm
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TEST DRIVE MEME!
WHAT A GLOOORIOUS FEELING
How’s the weather, Inquisition? Terrible. Heavy rainfall pelts the plains and the mountains, four straight days of it! Dark clouds block out the sun. It may begin to feel like there’s no end to the storms in sight. When darkness falls, cold evening temperatures turn that rain frigid. Your boots, your socks, they’re soaked through. Everyone smells like wet wool.
And as if all that weren’t enough: the increased rainfall loosens patches of mud and shale, causing mudslides.
1. We’re not in Orzammar anymore…
2. Are you mad? That’s twelve year old scotch!
3. I gotta go, Julia, we got bears.
4. We got 12 skins of water, 56 ales, two vodkas, four whiskeys, six bottles of wine, tequila, hazelnut paste, cheese, bread, eggs, bananas, apples, bacon, steaks, pancakes, dry grain, milk, sweet tomato sauce, half a pudding, half-ounce Sour Wine, 3 1/2 grams Grand Inquisitor Kush, one ounce of 'shrooms, 15 ecstasy potions, a smutty woodcut, a bat…
5. Lots of fish… and lots of weather.
WE'RE STILL IN THE HINTERLANDS
How’s the weather, Inquisition? Terrible. Heavy rainfall pelts the plains and the mountains, four straight days of it! Dark clouds block out the sun. It may begin to feel like there’s no end to the storms in sight. When darkness falls, cold evening temperatures turn that rain frigid. Your boots, your socks, they’re soaked through. Everyone smells like wet wool.
And as if all that weren’t enough: the increased rainfall loosens patches of mud and shale, causing mudslides.
1. We’re not in Orzammar anymore…
A recent group of dwarven traders bearing fine crafts and goods were inbound for Skyhold, ready to flood the markets with their wares. Instead, they got flooded out.
Yes, word has reached the Inquisition that the traders have been unfortunately detained by the weather and they are now in need of a rescue. Dare you venture out into the lashing rain and sliding mud to rescue the traders?
If you do so dare, you’ll find some of the traders to be exceedingly grateful for your efforts, ready to bestow handsome rewards on you, O Brave Soul -- just as soon as you’ve escorted them safely back to Skyhold. Or you might find a cluster of more disagreeable traders, grumpy at the water in their boots and the loss of their goods. Some of those goods might still be rescuable, if you want to wade out into a mud field to retrieve a fallen chest, or tug an errant terrified donkey back onto what’s passing for dry road these days.
As you carry these treasures back to their masters, or back to Skyhold, you might consider helping yourself to a sampling of the wares on your way back. After all, your reward might not be adequate, and you are risking your life for these ungrateful sons of mothers. Just don’t get caught. These traders don’t look kindly on thieves, and frayed tempers snap easily.
Feel free to get stuck on your way to the rescue, too. Weather out the storm with a fellow do-gooder. These days, the rescuers might need rescuing just as much.
2. Are you mad? That’s twelve year old scotch!
In Skyhold and the surrounding tent towns, what with the confusion and the panic and the scramble for high ground, market stalls are left unattended and wares are ripe for the taking. For some, temptation proves to be too much. Where there’s disaster, there’s often looting! A few vendors defend their own wares, and those that can’t make desperate entreaties for assistance. Bandits! Thieves!
Are you a brave and hale friend to the Inquisition and to good honest trade, ready to defend the wares of the waterlogged merchants? Or maybe your sticky fingers spot a tempting treasure too great to ignore. If they didn’t want it stolen, they should have taken it with them! Watch out for that Qunari metalsmith with the mean right hook. He’s not to be trifled with, and his blow will leave you toothless in the mud.
3. I gotta go, Julia, we got bears.
The rainfall has disturbed more than the mud. Bears, resting in their caves, have found their caves to be too damp for their liking, and they’ve taken to the open air to vent their spleens. Some people say that the bears are as frightened as you are, but when you’re faced with a six hundred pound beast with huge pointy teeth, their innocence is a little harder to keep in perspective.
The tents surrounding greater Skyhold are especially worried by rogue bears. Make a stand against them, or else help evacuate a threatened campsite. Mudwrestling a bear is a great way to impress the ladies, or the gentlemen… but no one will blame you for beating a hasty retreat.
4. We got 12 skins of water, 56 ales, two vodkas, four whiskeys, six bottles of wine, tequila, hazelnut paste, cheese, bread, eggs, bananas, apples, bacon, steaks, pancakes, dry grain, milk, sweet tomato sauce, half a pudding, half-ounce Sour Wine, 3 1/2 grams Grand Inquisitor Kush, one ounce of 'shrooms, 15 ecstasy potions, a smutty woodcut, a bat…
TIME TO HUNKER DOWN. In the tavern, the barkeep is handing out free spiced wine to anyone who takes refuge behind her door. The din of conversation and lutesong makes a fine lullabye for the careworn traveler, and you might find yourself inadvertently dropping off to sleep. Or maybe someone’s fallen asleep on you.
Who can blame the slumberers, finally safe and warm and dry? In the tavern, the fires have been built up to ward off the chill and the damp, but relaxation is a little more difficult these days. You really have to elbow your way in there to get close to that warmth. Once you get close enough, you’ll find that the hearths are taken up with dozens and dozens of wet socks and wetter boots, steaming gently as they dry. Be disgusted if you want, or else peel off your own and go barefoot while you wait.
Hey! What’s going on over there? Someone’s taking one of your socks! Stop, thief!
If you can’t make it to the tavern, you might find yourself holed up somewhere a little more unlikely. The limited space within Skyhold means there aren’t a lot of free rooms. That door you shoulder open in desperation might have an owner already. Intrusions aren’t always unwelcome, but beware of what -- or who! -- you might find.
5. Lots of fish… and lots of weather.
WILDCARD. Whatever you do, just remember: there’s a lot of rain, you’re very wet, and if you’re feeling amorous, keep in mind that everyone smells like wet wool. We cannot stress this enough.
That's humans for ya.
Oh yeah. Humans mostly. They do tend to do that whole greedy-ruin-everything-scream-at-magic thing a lot.
Not to say everyone else is that much better but...any improvement over rock bottom is an improvement, generally.
[So change of topic from whales because Varric senses that this might be something a little...touchy.]
And Antivian fire is...well a lot of things you don't really want to imbibe, but fortunately none of them magical. It catches fire when it contacts the air so...being gentle is sort of key.
It's useful, seeing how you don't have to light a fuse like with pitch.
But that does make it hard to mix and bottle.
no subject
[ His eyes are now completely fixed on Varric. It's like being stared at by a shark as far as eyes go, but instead of hunger it's interest, kindling like the start of a bonfire. ]
When it contacts the air? How interesting. Does it work underwater?
[ Outsider what the fuck kind of question is that. ]
Only the most skilled must produce it, then. Or lose limbs trying.
no subject
Sure am.
[He pauses and takes a sip of his drink. Weirdly, he doesn't break casual eye contact with the creepy teen--he's seen worse. At least this one doesn't have red lyrium growing out of his face, right?]
Nope--how do you think we mix and bottle it?
Not to say there aren't explosives that work underwater but if you want to see some of that you'd probably need to either ask the Qunari, or get chummy with Buttercup.
...Somehow I don't think you'll get a great reception from either party. Might want to keep it simple and above water.
no subject
...so yeah, best not to joke right now. ]
"Buttercup?"
[ His head tilts, the angle looking just on the edge of painful. ]
I would not need them for more than my own curiosity. I understand that is often not enough of a reason to receive samples, especially of something that is secretive or dangerous. Especially when it may be both.
[ Beat. ]
Do they respond well to bribes?
no subject
Well...Buttercup might, but...probably not from you. You might want to make an attractive female friend and get her to ask--
[No, that was still likely to get him stuffed full of arrows.]
On second thought, the Qunari might be the easier sell. They will probably try to kill you, of course, but that's just sort of how they do things.
no subject
[ Because clearly you're in the know, Varric. ]
Yes, that happens often. Or it would, if I were usually present around people.
[ There is a faint smile, but it's hardly a friendly one. ]
Those that follow me are hunted and killed, assuming they are not able to outmaneuver their hunters, whether physically or politically. Any Overseer able to kill me would be revered until civilization forgot the Abbey ever existed.
[ That probably sounds a bit like bragging. At least he mostly sounds like he's just stating facts. ]