TEST DRIVE MEME!

[faderifting]

WHAT A GLOOORIOUS FEELING

WE'RE STILL IN THE HINTERLANDS

How’s the weather, Inquisition? Terrible. Heavy rainfall pelts the plains and the mountains, four straight days of it! Dark clouds block out the sun. It may begin to feel like there’s no end to the storms in sight. When darkness falls, cold evening temperatures turn that rain frigid. Your boots, your socks, they’re soaked through. Everyone smells like wet wool.

And as if all that weren’t enough: the increased rainfall loosens patches of mud and shale, causing mudslides.

---

1. We’re not in Orzammar anymore…

A recent group of dwarven traders bearing fine crafts and goods were inbound for Skyhold, ready to flood the markets with their wares. Instead, they got flooded out.

Yes, word has reached the Inquisition that the traders have been unfortunately detained by the weather and they are now in need of a rescue. Dare you venture out into the lashing rain and sliding mud to rescue the traders?

If you do so dare, you’ll find some of the traders to be exceedingly grateful for your efforts, ready to bestow handsome rewards on you, O Brave Soul -- just as soon as you’ve escorted them safely back to Skyhold. Or you might find a cluster of more disagreeable traders, grumpy at the water in their boots and the loss of their goods. Some of those goods might still be rescuable, if you want to wade out into a mud field to retrieve a fallen chest, or tug an errant terrified donkey back onto what’s passing for dry road these days.

As you carry these treasures back to their masters, or back to Skyhold, you might consider helping yourself to a sampling of the wares on your way back. After all, your reward might not be adequate, and you are risking your life for these ungrateful sons of mothers. Just don’t get caught. These traders don’t look kindly on thieves, and frayed tempers snap easily.

Feel free to get stuck on your way to the rescue, too. Weather out the storm with a fellow do-gooder. These days, the rescuers might need rescuing just as much.

2. Are you mad? That’s twelve year old scotch!

In Skyhold and the surrounding tent towns, what with the confusion and the panic and the scramble for high ground, market stalls are left unattended and wares are ripe for the taking. For some, temptation proves to be too much. Where there’s disaster, there’s often looting! A few vendors defend their own wares, and those that can’t make desperate entreaties for assistance. Bandits! Thieves!

Are you a brave and hale friend to the Inquisition and to good honest trade, ready to defend the wares of the waterlogged merchants? Or maybe your sticky fingers spot a tempting treasure too great to ignore. If they didn’t want it stolen, they should have taken it with them! Watch out for that Qunari metalsmith with the mean right hook. He’s not to be trifled with, and his blow will leave you toothless in the mud.

3. I gotta go, Julia, we got bears.

The rainfall has disturbed more than the mud. Bears, resting in their caves, have found their caves to be too damp for their liking, and they’ve taken to the open air to vent their spleens. Some people say that the bears are as frightened as you are, but when you’re faced with a six hundred pound beast with huge pointy teeth, their innocence is a little harder to keep in perspective.

The tents surrounding greater Skyhold are especially worried by rogue bears. Make a stand against them, or else help evacuate a threatened campsite. Mudwrestling a bear is a great way to impress the ladies, or the gentlemen… but no one will blame you for beating a hasty retreat.

4. We got 12 skins of water, 56 ales, two vodkas, four whiskeys, six bottles of wine, tequila, hazelnut paste, cheese, bread, eggs, bananas, apples, bacon, steaks, pancakes, dry grain, milk, sweet tomato sauce, half a pudding, half-ounce Sour Wine, 3 1/2 grams Grand Inquisitor Kush, one ounce of 'shrooms, 15 ecstasy potions, a smutty woodcut, a bat…

TIME TO HUNKER DOWN. In the tavern, the barkeep is handing out free spiced wine to anyone who takes refuge behind her door. The din of conversation and lutesong makes a fine lullabye for the careworn traveler, and you might find yourself inadvertently dropping off to sleep. Or maybe someone’s fallen asleep on you.

Who can blame the slumberers, finally safe and warm and dry? In the tavern, the fires have been built up to ward off the chill and the damp, but relaxation is a little more difficult these days. You really have to elbow your way in there to get close to that warmth. Once you get close enough, you’ll find that the hearths are taken up with dozens and dozens of wet socks and wetter boots, steaming gently as they dry. Be disgusted if you want, or else peel off your own and go barefoot while you wait.

Hey! What’s going on over there? Someone’s taking one of your socks! Stop, thief!

If you can’t make it to the tavern, you might find yourself holed up somewhere a little more unlikely. The limited space within Skyhold means there aren’t a lot of free rooms. That door you shoulder open in desperation might have an owner already. Intrusions aren’t always unwelcome, but beware of what -- or who! -- you might find.

5. Lots of fish… and lots of weather.

WILDCARD. Whatever you do, just remember: there’s a lot of rain, you’re very wet, and if you’re feeling amorous, keep in mind that everyone smells like wet wool. We cannot stress this enough.

Comments

[hlif]

Lady bro don't get spit on him there are only a few times he's down with that and spraying drink everywhere is kind of his domain, don't encroach on his turf on his literal turf. It feels good to be able to laugh properly after the shitshow life turned into at Skyhold right before he decided to leave before he did something that got him kicked out. This is for the future, he's not letting a bunch of Wardens and their idiotic decisions cock it up for him.

"Warn a man, for fuck's sake Lena," he snorts, leaning over to give her a shove. "I want you to order some, just for the look of horror at having to try to to measure your feet, can you imagine the fussing? They'd think they'd be infectious or something." Asher got measured a few times because he had no choice, something about having to dress fancy to go to parties and then Liadan just got his measurements because it wasn't worth trying to fight a greased nuggalope.

Something like that.

"I'm holding you to that, this whole tavern is my witness!" That'd be more convincing if the tavern gave a shit but she can back him up. As it stands, they're talking about his dick and that's way more interesting anyway. "But I could save the world. With my dick. And that would be recorded until the end of time."

[fightingdirty]

"They'd probably be surprised I don't have hooves," she states dryly. In her experience, get too many humans together who love the sound of their own voices, and suddenly her race are a bunch of mooing farm animals.

"Okay, fair, but don't these shard things fuck with people's hands? Like I can't imagine the fucking things aren't going to rot off. I'll kill you if you tell Korrin I said that; she's smitten with her girl, but I don't think green Fade shit is going to play nice trapped under the skin." Hey, Araceli sounds nice, and she sure as the Void doesn't wish this upon her, but it seems bound to happen, doesn't it?

[hlif]

"You should see if you can start a trend, you and Korrin wearing shoes shaped like hooves and just booting folk that piss you off in the face or the crotch as you see fit. I'd support it," he replies, earnest as only he can be when he gets going but it comes from a good place. He's called a heathen barbarian and a wild animal most days anyway, and that's by his fellow countrymen, Orlesians have much less kind nicknames for him though none are quite so rude as oxman.

"Telling her, Korth as my witness it's my duty to tell her because we both know that if I said that you'd go running off to tell on me but...I mean maybe if it's the end of a battle and it's a big rift and it happens, and I'm bleeding out anyway then I can close the rift then pop my clogs and just go. Makes me worry a bit more about Mal though now." Look, Lena you can worry about Korrin and her girl but someone has to worry about Mal because Mal just has a dog so Asher will worry about Mal, even if Mal is probably shuddering and swearing to himself wondering what went wrong and why he feels faint all of a sudden.

[fightingdirty]

"Bullshit, I would," she growls out, glaring down at him. "That's shit I'm not kicking up. She's smart; she's probably thought about it enough as it is. Bringing it up is just rubbing salt in the wound." Her expression stays angry as she takes a drink, but as she swallows, it smooths out. Lena rarely looks worried, so it's just a vague, neutral expression.

"Yeah," she agrees after a moment. "I'd rather be wrong on this, or his hand's gonna explode or die or whatever too."

[hlif]

"Calm your tits Lena," he mutters, signalling for another drink when he knocks his back now that none of the crew are around to tell him off like he's a child that can't be trusted. "This is bloody depressing and I went to the hold to get my head screwed on straight so where the hell have you been then? Korrin was already at Skyhold when I got there and she said the rest of Valo-Kas were elsewhere but it's just your mug I'm seeing about these parts, has a man wondering what took you so long to decide to follow on after your kith."

[fightingdirty]

Lena's posture stiffens and she holds off answering before having another drink. This topic is a sensitive one, but the words "Lena" and "sensitive" don't really mix. Unfortunately, she can't punch feelings into submission, so she has to drink more.

"All the Valo-Kas that got blown up at the Conclave? My brother was one of them." She pauses, unsure how to explain her mindset at that time. She's not sure she actually can. Not in words. Perhaps just guttural screams. But she'll hold back so as not to literally scare the piss out of everyone in this tavern.

"I needed to go away for awhile. I didn't want to hear about fucking noble causes or any of that shit. I just wanted to kill people. Nobody knew who blew up the place back then, except assuming it was that one woman with the shard in her hand. I didn't buy it, so there was no one to blame. I took off. Besides, Hissera's mother died there too. Wanted to keep an eye on her."