TEST DRIVE MEME!

[faderifting]

Surprise, Beartch

Bet You Thought Etc.

Maybe the Inquisition sent you, maybe you came seeking the Inquisition. Maybe you fell out of a rift into this world last week and are still just trying to find your feet. However it happened, early fall finds you in the Hinterlands. Tucked between Ferelden's massive Lake Calenhad and the icy Frostback Mountains, the Hinterlands are a hilly region covered in patchy forests and small farms trying to eke out a living between the boulders. Though somewhat remote, the area is rich with game and minerals and home to Redcliffe, a bustling town on a busy trade route.

The Inquisition has set up several camps and sent personnel to try to restore order to the region, unwilling to let it slip into chaos. There's a lot to be done, some of it straightforward killing bad things, some of it weird and nebulous morale-building.

I. DRAGONS

There is a dragon in the Hinterlands. Everyone knows this. It's difficult not to notice when a dragon flies overhead with a mouth full of screaming sheep (alas, the poor dead sheep) or scorches your fishing boat and makes you swim for it (alas, the poor soaked fishermen). But she's only rarely sighted, and her lair is as of yet unknown, if "yet" is defined as "the moment before this exact moment, right now." Because you've found her. She is, at this very moment, screeching so loud it rattles the cliff sides that are trapping you in her territory and raining fire down over the only clear path of escape. She and her two dozen children don't care if you only wanted some elfroot and spindleweed. They also don't care if you have a sword. You look way more delicious and less woolly than a sheep.

II. CROSSROADS

In the year since the Inquisition's formation, the Crossroads have changed. Most of the refugees from the Mage/Templar War have moved on--if not back home, to new places--and there's been some progress rebuilding the homes and fortresses ruined by the war. Very few people are still living in caves. But rather than quieting down, the Crossroads have begun to bustle. Between the Inquisition's locally stationed forces and the increasing number of travelers and merchants now that the roads are safer, there's enough business to support a tavern with a few rooms for rent, and the Crossroads are becoming a trading post in their own right rather than a dot of houses on the path to Redcliffe--a great place to stop for a drink, to buy basic weaponry, or to unload all of the bear skins you've collected.

III. BEARS

You have turned the wrong corner, forded the wrong stream, crested the wrong hill, entered the wrong cave. Maybe you are far from camp. Maybe you are in camp. Whatever has happened, wherever you are: you are being chased by bears. Did you provoke the bears? Are they huge? Babies? Fade-touched? Mage-controlled? What are they chasing you away from? What are they chasing you into? What do you plan to make out of their hide if you kill them? What do you think they'll craft out of your hide if they kill you?

IV. CRYSTALS

Members and trusted agents of the Inquisition are given access to one of the Inquisition's stores of ancient, mysterious sending crystals, allowing them to communicate instantaneously by voice. It's magic. And a magical excuse to ask everyone what their favorite constellation is in the middle of the night.

Or to call for help because you've been treed by bears.

Either way.

V. MISCELLANEOUS

Choose your own adventure! Hunt game, kill demons, gather herbs, track bandits, haggle over the price of armor, fall off a deceptively tall rock, get lost circling the same hill ten times trying to find a way up to the weird glowing skull on a stick you can see is up there, climb trees or abandoned towers, rummage around in empty homes, run from a dragon, cry over how cute that fennec fox you just shot was, set up camp and chat around the fire, knock yourself out (figuratively, or even literally if that's more your speed)-- the Hinterlands are your Frostback Mountain oyster.

Comments

I | III | Tyrion Lannister | ASOIAF | A Dance With Dragons

[tallasaking]

All right, when Tyrion thought as a boy, I would truly like a dragon, he did not think that would ever include, 'but I would not like to be eaten by one'. So he takes a good long look at the dragon, and her babies, nods his head slowly --

And then proceeds to run like his ass is already on fire in the other direction. He's not entirely certain where he is, or how he got here, all he reminds is a green hole in the sky and then tumbling off down into a glen -- but here he was. Being chased by a dragon.

He will be trying to hobble his way out of the valley before he gets eaten, but he's a polite fellow, so he'll be yelling to the first person he sees, "DRAGONS! I WOULD RUN NOW BECAUSE DRAGONS!"

~~~~~~

Later on, when he has managed to hobble himself out of hiding from said dragon, he will be limping his way back to civilization, slowly but surely. He's a lone dwarf in a very strange land, nothing at all where he was before he had fallen asleep and frankly, getting his bearings was a little difficult when he wasn't precisely certain where he was at all.

Which of course, was when he ran across the bear.

You will find Tyrion atop a large rock then, tossing stones down at the bear with a make-shift sling, hitting it with remarkable accuracy. He's already got a nasty scar running across his face, taking half of his nose, but despite a deep claw mark across his chest, he looks like he's not going to take any more.

"Go on, you dumb beast! I can keep throwing rocks at you all damned day! Go find a fish!"

III

[circleprodigy]

Tyrion's shouting earns him some attention, from two sources no less. The first is a large mabari with kaddis, taking advantage of its greater speed to distract and harass the bear for a moment, then he hops onto the large rock beside the dwarf, guarding him. That happens because his companion catches up, a slight, pale elf woman in armor.

"Hey! Over here!" She throws a barrier spell over the dwarf and her mabari, just in case, then raises her staff to do what she does best. A ring of ice sprouts up from below, quickly surrounding the bear and holding it fast.

III

[tallasaking]

Tyrion stops throwing rocks for a moment because - ah - what in the name of the Seven is that?

He could also throw that question at both of his rescuers because the dog was ... like a direwolf but clearly not one and the woman - the woman was tiny, and slender, with very, very pointed ears and a stick that made ice come out of it.

Well, first things first. He loaded the sling and aimed it at the bear's rump, to make sure it didn't bide the dog-wolf in half.

[circleprodigy]

Garahel barks happily as it strikes the bear, still ready lunge from above should it break free. As it is, there's a growl from the currently helpless bear who naturally does not like its predicament. Knowing that it won't last and that she needs to act, Inessa doesn't dare turn her attention away from her target, placing an array of ice mines before her to freeze it in place again when it does try to retaliate. Until then, it's time to summon a blizzard. Dark clouds gather above and bring bitter winds with them, but only above the bear and the immediate area surrounding it. That will keep it too chilled to move fast.

[tallasaking]

Was the dog cheering him on? He had the distinct feeling that the dog was cheering him on. Was he dreaming all this? Was he going to wake up in Meereen, having fallen into a bottle of wine after he had spent all that time sobering up?

It was starting to seem more and more likely, as the woman started putting out complex circles that disappeared then re-appeared with ice, and then the sky opened up and winter came bursting from her fingertips.

Tyrion was so damned startled that he took a step backwards, right off the Sevens be damned rock, and tumbled back into a bush. Yes, this was just how his day was going.

[circleprodigy]

"Garahel!" That one word is enough for her mabari to scramble over to Tyrion and assist him getting back to his feet. He remains watchful, too, just in case other bears appear, attracted by the noise. They like to do that.

Meanwhile, Inessa is ready for when the chilled, very injured bear breaks free of the ice circle and stumbles into her mines. Conjuring a boulder from the Fade, she slams it into the creature, who responds with a roar. Before it can break free again and charge her, she blurs away with Fade Step though not towards Tyrion and Garahel. The more they can divide its attention, the better. And if she's right about her assessment, it won't take much longer before it falls.

[tallasaking]

"Ah, thank you ... Garahel!" Tyrion patted the dog distractedly, before he goes to grab another rock to fling at the bear's haunch, forcing him further into the ice ... traps.

"Go on, you gigantic furry bully! If you want us, you'll have to go through the ice traps! So if you want to be an icicle, just keep on coming!" He bellowed, picking up another rock and tossing it right between the creature's eyes.

[circleprodigy]

Doing her best to keep focus, she nonetheless smiles as the shouting from the dwarven man by Garahel reaches her ears. He's spirited, and she can appreciate that, which Garahel seems to as well. The bear staggers around, still enraged but now able to do quite as much about it now. That suits Inessa just fine, who adds to its pain with blasts from her staff, singing the bear's flesh and fur with lightning. Bombarded by magic and well-aimed rocks, the bears roars and tries to use the last of its strength to reach the small elven woman...and stumbles into the next mine, freezing solid.

[tallasaking]

"Hah!" Tyrion smirked, before he shook his fist towards the bear, "That is what you get when you cross a lion, a dog and a ... woman with shapely sharp ears, you grizzled wretch - what in the Seven!?"

Yes, and now, his hand was flashing bright green light because he had a ... shard of something in his hand. The light reflected off his confused mis-matched eyes. Then at the frozen bear, and back at his hand, before he sighed.

"... I suppose there is a very good explanation on what precisely is going on here?"

1

[apostafuckyou]

Raylan had been doing some light scouting, looking for the dragon that had cornered Tim earlier. He wasn't going to fight it on his own, he just wanted to know where it was so he could maybe bring reinforcements back.

Apparently, he should have left the scouting to the scouts.

First he saw Tyrion, running and yelling, and then he saw the dragon coming up behind him. She let out a roar, and Raylan went white.

He recovered as Tyrion reached him, and took off in a different direction. "This way!" he shouted, leading the way up a rocky path. It was harder to navigate than flat road, but at the top, there was a little cul-de-sac, a cave big enough that they could hide but small enough that it probably didn't hold anything nasty.

1

[tallasaking]

Tyrion nearly paused at the sight of the damned rocky path, but one look over his shoulder told him that the baby dragons were on their trail and gaining fast. He huffed, before he started moving after the taller man.

He nearly stumbled again when his hand suddenly flared green, but he had no time to worry about it as he was in fact, going to focus on the fact that he really did not wish to be eaten.

Or incinerated. Both of those were high on his list of 'how not to die'.

[apostafuckyou]

They made the cave just ahead of the dragon, Raylan dragging Tyrion the last few feet inside with fire breath hot on his heels. He put up a barrier over the entrance, then gave Tyrion a confused look.

"You're light for a dwarf," he said, then poked his head around to see if the dragon was retreating or waiting. After all, dwarves were dense, and Raylan hadn't even expected to be able to move Tyrion any way that wasn't his own power. Perhaps he was just very skinny under padded clothing.

[tallasaking]

Tyrion didn't even protest with getting thrown into the cave - after all, it was away from the dragon and the fire. He did, however, gape as the man made some sort of ... invisible shield flare out from his hands. It was almost the same shade as this - whatever it was - rock in his hand.

He eyed the taller man, before answering back dryly, "And you seem to have the powers of a god. So we both seem to be having an odd day."

[apostafuckyou]

Raylan rolled his eyes and was in the process of turning an 'are you stupid' look on Tyrion, when he spotted the green glowing out of his hand.

Maybe that explained a thing or two.

"Let me guess," he said. "You fell out of a hole in the sky? Kinda greenish, shape like someone tore a hole in some fabric?"

[tallasaking]

Now, Tyrion's eyebrow rose together, "... Are you some sort of Seer, ser? A Red Priest, perhaps? That might explain the oddity of this place. Of course I imagined all your fellows still wore red."

Another pause. "And tended to spot a lot of nonsense about the Lord of Light."

[apostafuckyou]

"No, not a seer, you just ain't the first," he said, poking his head back in. "She's lookin' for us, but if we stay in here a minute we'll be all right. She'll go back to her nest."

He let himself slide down the wall of the cave with a sigh, setting his staff down on the ground next to him. "Name's Raylan Gibbs," he said, offering a hand to shake. He assumed rifters still shook hands.

[tallasaking]

"... I am not sure if I should be relieved or terrified. Has there been anyone from Westeros that has come through the hole in the sky?" He might as well find out if he has friends or enemies here.

He rolled over onto his knees, to reach out and take Raylon's hand in his. "Tyrion Lannister, of House Lannister. A pleasure, ser, and my thanks beyond that."

III

[theladyofwinterfell]

"My lord!"

Sansa has been cowering behind the rock for quite some time, trying to get away from the bear herself, and she scrambles up atop of it when she hears Tyrion's voice. She doesn't know if that's better or worse; she isn't away from the bear, at all, but Lord Tyrion is bound to have a creative solution for this problem.

"What are we going to do? I am no hunter. I can't kill a bear."

Re: III

[tallasaking]

"Sansa?!"

Tyrion looked down from his rock, his gaze widening, before he reached to take her hand and pull her up on the rock with him.

"Right, well." Tyrion looked around, "We have very little ... focus on weaponry around here, unless when you fell through the green hole in the sky you managed to bring a sword with you?"

[theladyofwinterfell]

"I didn't bring a sword," Sansa says, shaking her head. She'd only brought herself, honestly, and barely that. Being here isn't what she had planned but considering the alternative, with Ramsay, she'll take the bear.

"I'm sorry. If I had known, I could have prepared, possibly?"

[tallasaking]

"Well, I suppose today is simply filled with bad surprises, eh?" He gave her a slight smirk, as he looked around, "All right, here is what I propose. Take a handful of rocks. I am going to start throwing rocks at the creature from here, to distract it. You run to the next closest high ground, and start throwing rocks at it from there, to draw it's attention away. I shall run to the next highest spot, and begin to throw rocks. First though ..."

He scanned the strange skyline, then pointed. "Smoke, in that direction. That is where we are going to try to get to. Hopefully, there will be some nice people with very large weapons."

[theladyofwinterfell]

It's a very clever plan, all told. Sansa isn't much for this type of strategy and prefers, instead, political intrigue. Still, she thinks she can manage to distract a bear for a short while so they can both get to safety.

"All right. I'll make a break for the next set of rocks once you have the bear occupied?"

[tallasaking]

"Precisely so, Lady Sansa." He gave her an encouraging, if not crooked smile, as he tapped his torn apart nose. "Just remember, watch where you are going, and keep heading in that direction. Are you ready?"

For he has the first rock in hand, and he knows precisely where to aim it.

[theladyofwinterfell]

Sansa nods quickly and starts darting toward the next outcropping of rocks. She doesn't stop until she's scrambled atop it and has rocks in hand; she's torn her gown in the process and scraped an ugly mark against one shin.

"Lord Tyrion, I'm here!" she calls out. She starts pelting the bear with her stones in order to distract it from Tyrion's flight.

[tallasaking]

Meanwhile, Tyrion heaved giant stones at the bear, causing it to snarl and jump up at him. Tyrion sneered past his own bloody fear, yelling things at the bear as loudly as he could, to keep the beast's attention on him.

He backed away though, letting the bear get distracted enough for him to escape to the next outcropping, his short legs hobbling up as quickly as he could. Oh, this was going to hurt like fire later ...

"Over here you wretched pile of fleas!" He bellowed, nodding at Sansa to get ready to make the next run.