crystal malfunction memevent

[faderifting]

crystals get fucked
(a meme slash tiny game event)

The Inquisition’s sending crystals are typically very reliable and not susceptible to accidental transmissions or misdelivered messages. They’re also fairly limited in function and security.

The latter is something that researchers in Skyhold are working to address, when they have the time. Unfortunately, one of them—maybe a little angry about having to work alone on First Day, maybe day drinking while she does so—has now made some significant errors while meddling with proposed improvements. And from the beginning of the day on Wintermarch 1, the sending crystals will start behaving badly:

Messages might transmit to the wrong person.

Messages might transmit to the right person but also a few additional unintended people.

Messages might transmit to everyone at once.

Pieces of old conversations from any point in the last year or so might leak, either to individuals or to everyone. Delayed messages of that sort will sound distant, like they’re coming from the end of a long tunnel.

Attempts to transition from a public to a private conversation will sometimes fail.

Crystals may start transmitting to people or to everyone at random, without being touched.

All of this could occur at any time—sometimes at the beginning of a conversation, sometimes midway through it, sometimes when someone isn’t using the crystal at all.

The problems will start out sporadic enough to seem insignificant or like probable user errors, but grow increasingly common as the day wears on, until the issue is identified and corrected at Skyhold in the early hours of Wintermarch 2 and the tipsy researcher disciplined accordingly.

This meme/event is game canon. You can decide among yourselves if there’s something you would rather try out for fun with no consequences and/or retcon after the fact, as always, but unless otherwise established by players, this is really happening. Threads done in this post can count toward activity rewards.

Additionally, this specific post is for open top-levels that anyone can tag and threadjack. Think TFLN in style/format, missing pants optional. Don’t post closed or locked conversations here. If you want to do specific misfires with specific people, you can use inboxes. You can also post to the rookery comm if you want to use the event for a more visible gamewide open post.

Comments

to everyone

[assistente]

At the behest of the seneschal, the addition of four crates containing six jars is requested. Two crates at minimum. Wet fat rendering or semi-wet fat rendering having been traditionally preferred but not necessary.

Bear fat is requested specifically as it carries over less taste. Produces a superior lubricant.

[rathercommon]

What is - What is this for.

[assistente]

[Wait, what.]

What?

[rathercommon]

All this - Bear fat? Please tell me we aren't all eating bear fat.

[assistente]

We--

[Salvio, scrambling to figure out how someone would have gotten hold of his private message and glimpsed some of the behind-the-scenes work done by Base Operations, manages to find a second of pause to answer, with some confusion--]

Of course. Er, th-- There are many uses for it, but-- Yes?

[rathercommon]

That's - that's disgusting!

[assistente]

It is not.

[rathercommon]

Yes, it is. Eating bear? Bears are - You don't eat those.

[assistente]

Well. Not alone. Certainly. The, er, fat--it is used in place of... lesser fats. A small luxury, really. Its superiority is not--monetarily--I mean to say that it of course has a, a price, but not one so outlandish as to banish it from consideration, especially given the variety of its, uses, and... superiority.

[Wait. Fuck.]

You do not-- um. Worship, bears. Do you?

[zombra]

Damn, son. Are you having a wild party this weekend?

[assistente]

Wh-- Why would this... A party?

[zombra]

You knooooow. All that lube.

[ She snickers. ]

[assistente]

[Oh


hhh.]

For gears.

[zombra]

Uh huh. Gears. Well, I'll say that sounds a lot better than using animal fat to get down and dirty.

[ A pause. ]

Gears for what, exactly?

[assistente]

I would not--

[No. If he just ignores the first part will it go away? No. It will remain, forever. Distilled in memory. So instead of finishing that thought, or prolonging the moment, Salvio just makes a muffled strangled sound--the sound that comes of having put his head down on the desk--and then breathes, and just. Tries to persevere.]

Gears! Many gears. [Maybe a little too loudly.] Winches, and pulleys--there is a small sort of platform, used to bring larger stores of preserved foods and sacks down to the, the larder and the pantry and the buttery and, and hinges. The great gates. Require lubr-- greasing. At times.

[zombra]

Though now I'm wondering... what do you guys use for lube here? Is it like, plant-based? 'Cause that's not gross, but animal fat is.

[ Why hasn't she considered this before now??? The curiosity is too great. ]

Cool. Okay, that makes sense. So, uhh, did you need me to order you some? Since you're calling me 'n at.

[assistente]

Oil. [Because he's Antivan, he has that prompt answer.] Just-- The, uh. There may be... else. To be used. Not fat. That's--

[uh wait]

I-- called for you? By mistake, if-- I mean, not that I would not, wish to, speak. To you. But.

oops put it in the wrong place

[nadasharillen]

[ helpfully: ]

Can you make it six crates, four minimum, if the resupply order is going out now and you're willing to speculate? I have a significant project that is going to need significant lubrication.

[ beat ]

Rey has the specification paperwork.

[assistente]

Oh. Uh--

[How is this happening.]

The, requisition form is in order? Um, I could modify the... the request. [A pause.] Um, what-- what is, the project?

[nadasharillen]

Well... I'm still talking to the Viscount, but I was nosing around some of the books brought back from Tevinter and one of them was architectural and it looks like Kirkwall used to have a harbour chain, back when it was built, and I thought if it did and we could restore it it could be a huge help if Corypheus's forces ever tried a direct assault on the city, given that it would very likely have a naval component to it.

[ does she need to breathe? ]

We could either trap the ships in the—

[ apparently so. sheepishly: ]

You know, I should probably find out whether or not there's a chain before I ask for supplies to grease its mechanisms.

[assistente]

The-- chain, used to--

[Thinking back on his history, Salvio actually leans over to look out the window.]

Surely they would not have left it. Out there. In the water.

[nadasharillen]

[ after a time that might accurately be described as 'brief chat with the Viscount' length.

excitedly: ]

There is a chain down there, Viscount Perrin Threnhold found and used it to get a stranglehold on trade in 9:14 Dragon. It didn't turn out well for him, and nobody's used it since he got thrown in the dungeons in 9:21, but it's there, and the Viscount has the key to raise it again.

It's not just a chain, it's a net between the city and the lighthouse and it can block off ship travel to the entire Waking Sea. If we get it in perfect working order again, he'll never be able to get a fleet past us.

[ pause ]

So... can I reinstate my extra bear fat order?

[assistente]

Yes, I have read the-- I mean, the condition, of a chain, kept beneath the water-- rust, and, seawater, the corrosion, it is-- I have seen new chains reduced to, you know, flaking away, under the assault of such elements--

[Scratching down some quick maths, trying to imagine the condition of a chain and net kept beneath the water, Salvio is a little distracted.]

Um, the requisition form. Rey has it?

[nadasharillen]

As far as I can gather they hadn't been used for a much longer time before Viscount Threnhold pulled them up, and they worked well enough then to make the Divine send Templars. I imagine the links are half again the size of a man, like the ones that go from the Gallows to the mainland, which means—

[ right, form ]

Oh. I'll um... write up another one.

I didn't know it was a net.

[ or that it existed outside of theory, but better the Inquisition have supplies and not need them than need them and not have them, right? And there's always a use for bear fat.

but he doesn't need to know that. ]

[assistente]

Yes. That's-- Well, just a revision of the existing form should suffice. Provided it has not been filed. A memo to be attached, if it has, or...

[Links half again the size of a man. Salvio starts on some new maths besides the maths he was already doing.]

You think that six crates would suffice? Not, er. I do not know the precise width, of the-- or the, er, chains, the length that would span such a... Six, perhaps, yes...

[Mumbling now, as he sorts through his own thoughts on this.]