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allthisshitisweird2016-04-16 01:02 pm
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TEST DRIVE MEME!
WHAT A GLOOORIOUS FEELING

How’s the weather, Inquisition? Terrible. Heavy rainfall pelts the plains and the mountains, four straight days of it! Dark clouds block out the sun. It may begin to feel like there’s no end to the storms in sight. When darkness falls, cold evening temperatures turn that rain frigid. Your boots, your socks, they’re soaked through. Everyone smells like wet wool.
And as if all that weren’t enough: the increased rainfall loosens patches of mud and shale, causing mudslides.
1. We’re not in Orzammar anymore…
2. Are you mad? That’s twelve year old scotch!
3. I gotta go, Julia, we got bears.
4. We got 12 skins of water, 56 ales, two vodkas, four whiskeys, six bottles of wine, tequila, hazelnut paste, cheese, bread, eggs, bananas, apples, bacon, steaks, pancakes, dry grain, milk, sweet tomato sauce, half a pudding, half-ounce Sour Wine, 3 1/2 grams Grand Inquisitor Kush, one ounce of 'shrooms, 15 ecstasy potions, a smutty woodcut, a bat…
5. Lots of fish… and lots of weather.

WE'RE STILL IN THE HINTERLANDS
How’s the weather, Inquisition? Terrible. Heavy rainfall pelts the plains and the mountains, four straight days of it! Dark clouds block out the sun. It may begin to feel like there’s no end to the storms in sight. When darkness falls, cold evening temperatures turn that rain frigid. Your boots, your socks, they’re soaked through. Everyone smells like wet wool.
And as if all that weren’t enough: the increased rainfall loosens patches of mud and shale, causing mudslides.
1. We’re not in Orzammar anymore…
A recent group of dwarven traders bearing fine crafts and goods were inbound for Skyhold, ready to flood the markets with their wares. Instead, they got flooded out.
Yes, word has reached the Inquisition that the traders have been unfortunately detained by the weather and they are now in need of a rescue. Dare you venture out into the lashing rain and sliding mud to rescue the traders?
If you do so dare, you’ll find some of the traders to be exceedingly grateful for your efforts, ready to bestow handsome rewards on you, O Brave Soul -- just as soon as you’ve escorted them safely back to Skyhold. Or you might find a cluster of more disagreeable traders, grumpy at the water in their boots and the loss of their goods. Some of those goods might still be rescuable, if you want to wade out into a mud field to retrieve a fallen chest, or tug an errant terrified donkey back onto what’s passing for dry road these days.
As you carry these treasures back to their masters, or back to Skyhold, you might consider helping yourself to a sampling of the wares on your way back. After all, your reward might not be adequate, and you are risking your life for these ungrateful sons of mothers. Just don’t get caught. These traders don’t look kindly on thieves, and frayed tempers snap easily.
Feel free to get stuck on your way to the rescue, too. Weather out the storm with a fellow do-gooder. These days, the rescuers might need rescuing just as much.
2. Are you mad? That’s twelve year old scotch!
In Skyhold and the surrounding tent towns, what with the confusion and the panic and the scramble for high ground, market stalls are left unattended and wares are ripe for the taking. For some, temptation proves to be too much. Where there’s disaster, there’s often looting! A few vendors defend their own wares, and those that can’t make desperate entreaties for assistance. Bandits! Thieves!
Are you a brave and hale friend to the Inquisition and to good honest trade, ready to defend the wares of the waterlogged merchants? Or maybe your sticky fingers spot a tempting treasure too great to ignore. If they didn’t want it stolen, they should have taken it with them! Watch out for that Qunari metalsmith with the mean right hook. He’s not to be trifled with, and his blow will leave you toothless in the mud.
3. I gotta go, Julia, we got bears.
The rainfall has disturbed more than the mud. Bears, resting in their caves, have found their caves to be too damp for their liking, and they’ve taken to the open air to vent their spleens. Some people say that the bears are as frightened as you are, but when you’re faced with a six hundred pound beast with huge pointy teeth, their innocence is a little harder to keep in perspective.
The tents surrounding greater Skyhold are especially worried by rogue bears. Make a stand against them, or else help evacuate a threatened campsite. Mudwrestling a bear is a great way to impress the ladies, or the gentlemen… but no one will blame you for beating a hasty retreat.
4. We got 12 skins of water, 56 ales, two vodkas, four whiskeys, six bottles of wine, tequila, hazelnut paste, cheese, bread, eggs, bananas, apples, bacon, steaks, pancakes, dry grain, milk, sweet tomato sauce, half a pudding, half-ounce Sour Wine, 3 1/2 grams Grand Inquisitor Kush, one ounce of 'shrooms, 15 ecstasy potions, a smutty woodcut, a bat…
TIME TO HUNKER DOWN. In the tavern, the barkeep is handing out free spiced wine to anyone who takes refuge behind her door. The din of conversation and lutesong makes a fine lullabye for the careworn traveler, and you might find yourself inadvertently dropping off to sleep. Or maybe someone’s fallen asleep on you.
Who can blame the slumberers, finally safe and warm and dry? In the tavern, the fires have been built up to ward off the chill and the damp, but relaxation is a little more difficult these days. You really have to elbow your way in there to get close to that warmth. Once you get close enough, you’ll find that the hearths are taken up with dozens and dozens of wet socks and wetter boots, steaming gently as they dry. Be disgusted if you want, or else peel off your own and go barefoot while you wait.
Hey! What’s going on over there? Someone’s taking one of your socks! Stop, thief!
If you can’t make it to the tavern, you might find yourself holed up somewhere a little more unlikely. The limited space within Skyhold means there aren’t a lot of free rooms. That door you shoulder open in desperation might have an owner already. Intrusions aren’t always unwelcome, but beware of what -- or who! -- you might find.
5. Lots of fish… and lots of weather.
WILDCARD. Whatever you do, just remember: there’s a lot of rain, you’re very wet, and if you’re feeling amorous, keep in mind that everyone smells like wet wool. We cannot stress this enough.
Blackwall Greatly Approves
He pauses to take a drink before setting the cup down in order to find a place against the wall for his bulky shield, which ends up close to where her staff is resting. A chair by her is also available, so he helps himself to it. Ideally, he'd love to take the thick leather gloves and gambeson he wore off, but he didn't dare do either in the tavern. He'd deal with the uncomfortable dampness.
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"No problem. I always have a little to spare for someone else trying to keep this area from being a hotbed of chaos. It's an uphill battle, but moments like these help.
I'm Korrin, by the way, of the Valo-Kas company and the Inquisition."
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"Pleased to make your acquaintance. I'm Blackwall. So, you're with the Inquisition forces?" He perks up a little, curiosity obviously piqued, "To my knowledge, you're the first I've run into in person. Perhaps you can clear up some contradicting rumors for me. What's the Inquisition's purpose in the Hinterlands?"
Surely, the rumors that they had someone who could close the rifts had to be just that, a rumor.
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"Hm. Not a very ambitious lot, are you?" The sarcastic remark is said without inflection. He takes a drink, mulling over the lengthy list of, actually, very noble objectives. "I'm glad. The fighting's left the Hinterlands in pretty bad shape. It's good to hear that someone intends to offer some practical help to those affected by the war. Maker knows they could use it."
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It's just a little surprising to hear that that's what the Inquisition is doing. The good kind of surprising. I'd assumed -well, with so many powerful people at the Conclave, the Divine- I assumed there'd be a rush to grab up as much of that power as possible, an attempt to take control of the Chantry while it's in shambles. Nice to know that isn't the case," Or not blatantly the case. What was going on behind the scenes might be a different story entirely.
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"It'd be hard to take control of the Chantry when they call us heretics for getting things done without waiting around for their approval. Nevermind that Divine Justinia gave permission for all this in the first place or that the Chantry hasn't done anything but sit on its ass while everything's going to shit. For some reason, no one wants to hear that part. But it's not about the Chantry anyway, it's about doing what needs to be done. I don't care about whatever the Grand Clerics expect, I just want to beat that darkspawn magister asshole and pay him back for what he did to our people--at the Temple and Haven."
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"Wait. I've missed something. Darkspawn magister?" Alright, the farmers had failed to mention that little piece of information.
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"Varric? Not sure I know who- wait... that name is familiar. Is he the one who wrote those Hard in Hightown books?" He smirks slightly, nodding to himself as he takes a drink.
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He's honestly a little surprised the Inquisition wasn't full of Wardens ready to help, but maybe they'd organized a counter attack of their own. Regardless, this seemed like the perfect opportunity to make good on his pledge to the Wardens, a way he could give himself more fully to the cause.
"Sounds like I may have to make my way to Skyhold. Surely, the Inquisition wouldn't turn down another volunteer."
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"The Grey Wardens of Skyhold aren't the most popular these days, just so you know. Maybe it won't matter for you, since you had nothing to do with it, but the Grey Warden Anders was found to have been in the Inquisition's ranks under an assumed name. You know, the guy who blew up a Chantry and wrecked a lot of Kirkwall with it? He's only still alive because the Wardens took him into their custody again. A lot of people aren't happy with that call."
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"Grey Wardens are heroes. Perhaps there was a reason for what they did. A... Grey Warden reason," He clears his throat and makes the wise decision to stop talking there, raising his drink to his mouth instead. "Like I said, I haven't really been in contact with, well, anyone for the last few months. Years. The only reason I've heard much of anything about Kirkwall was because the fighting between the mages and Templars started displacing villagers close to where I happened to be. I just knew it was a mage."
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"I..." He shrugs, brow furrowing, "I can't say what they were thinking. At least if he turns, they'll be there to put him down. Hopefully that will be enough to keep anyone from being hurt."
He was all for second chances, but an abomination was an abomination. There was no changing if the man was possessed.
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